And They Were All Yellow

I've always been a mustard girl.

In my ranking of condiments, mustard is far superior to the rest. Mayo is fatty and white, which is weird because food should never be white, and who wants to eat something that looks like diaper rash ointment? Ketchup is just weird. I mean really, ketcup? It tastes nothing like a tomato and is loaded with sugar. I never put in on hamburgers and when people watch me build a burger, they give me the same look as when I jokingly say that I used to work at Hooters. A nice mix between utter shock and disgust with a small serving of "she might be serious so I'd better watch it."

(I've never worked at Hooters.)

I've lived a happy life with mustard. She has been good to me, providing me with just enough ummph to liven up my sandwich or make my hamburger taste superb and all with the benefit of ZERO calories. I know that most people have a very strong reaction to my favorite condiment, either loving it or hating it, and I've never really understood that. To me, mustard is just a little glob of yellow love.

Unfortunately, mustard has been replaced.

Several months ago I started making falafel regularly for dinner and we all love it. I love the texture, the smells, the flavor, the whole ball of middle Eastern goodness. Anyone who eats falafel on a regular basis knows that the appropriate accoutrement for it is tahini which I have tried. Tahini and I got along fine but it wasn't love at first sight like with me and my little yellow friend. Then one day I tried HUMMUS.

(Did you hear that? The sound of the clouds parting and the angels singing from on high?)

Oh sweet hummus, where have you been all my life? You have changed my world and I now feel condimentally complete. You enhance every food your put with and bring joy to my tastebuds. You make me anxious for lunch, just knowing that you and a cucumber is all I need. I will happily spread you on a tortilla or pair you with tomato slices just knowing that what awaits me is an explosion of flavor and love. I don't know how I lived the first 31 years of my life without you by my side, but you were worth waiting for.

If you've had a nagging feeling for some time that your life is missing something but you just couldn't put your finger on it, I strongly urge you to try hummus. She may just answer your prayers and provide you with the same love and sandwich security that she has brought me.

To my dear friend mustard, not to worry. We'll still be together from time to time. I can't imagine potato salad without you. Don't feel bad about being replaced. We've had a good run.

We Just Figured Out Blue's Clues

Several weeks ago we switched from using Netflix to Blockbuster online, primarily because with Blockbuster, you can return a movie you got in the mail to the store and pick out any movie you want for free. The kids have loved going to get new movies each week and it's been pretty fun. Hannah always picks something extremely girly like My Little Pony or Strawberry Shortcake and Spence, well...

The first time we went, we had walked the aisles for several minutes pointing out different movies that Spence might be interested in and he finally chose Diego and the Jaguar Rescue. I tried DILIGENTLY to get him to pick something use, something a little more AGE APPROPRIATE, but he was adamant. Brad told me to leave him alone and let him be, which I did and I have since watched him pick out two other Diego movies and then last night, THE CLINCHER, Blue's Room. I have seriously created a monster.

Now it's true that I am somewhat of a movie Nazi and I freely admit it. I haven't let him watch Star Wars ( I know, the HORROR) and many other movies that all of his friends are watching but truth be told, he really hasn't been interested. He's a very sensitive guy and I figure he'll have the rest of his life to watch these movies so why rush it now and risk scaring the crap out of him? But Blue's Room?

Brad was laughing when they got in the car last night from picking out his latest selection and while I held my tongue in front of the girls, when we got home I pulled him aside for a chat. I told him that I trusted him and that if there was something he really wanted to see, we could talk about it and determine together whether it was appropriate or not. I reminded him that I knew he was getting older and that it was okay for him to want to see different things. The answer might still be no, but it's okay for him to ask, blah, blah, blah. (I will admit that I was a bit concerned that although he's incredibly bright, something might be wrong with his noggin' to make him want to watch Blue's Room. Nobody of sound mind wants to watch that.) He looked at me very seriously through the whole conversation and then said:

"I just didn't want to choose

something that might be inappropriate

for the girls. I don't want my movies

to scare them. So it's okay

if I have to watch Blue's Room.

I think Sienna might like it."

Oh yeah, that's my kid. What a STUD. Have you ever heard of anything so sweet from an almost 7-year-old? I know I get teased for keeping him somewhat sheltered but if my sheltering brews that kind of sensitivity, I'll take it. He makes me so proud.

In My Next Life

Between me and Alicia, I'm sure this will be only one of the posts you'll read about The Oscars today. I too, LOVE the show and with the aid of TiVo, watched it all and still made it to bed before 10. I thought the show was good, with a few surprises (Alan Arkin vs Eddie Murphy?) The only person I really wanted to win was Djimon Hounsou because I think his role in Blood Diamond was unbelievable. Granted, I haven't exactly seen the movie, but anyone who can turn out a performance under those types of emotional and physical stress deserves an Oscar to me. I was happy for Helen Mirren, who looked beautiful, but would have loved to see Penenlope Cruz win only because I think it would have been great for foreign language films. Or Kate Winslet just because I think she's stunning in every role she takes on.

What made me the happiest about the show? The ladies dresses which, for the first time in several years, made an effort leave a little to the imagination. Here are some of my favorites:

Not an ounce of cleavage among them! Hooray!

Ode To Tiffy

What can I say

About little Miss Tiffy,

When I call to complain,

She comes in a jiffy.

Packing up kids

and her husband as well,

She's off to rescue me

from my own personal hell.

If only it weren't

for darn Mother Nature,

closing the pass,

sometimes I just hate her!

But the act of the trip

meant more than you know.

With you in my life

I have somewhere to go.

I can't thank you enough

for thinking of me.

I'm so blessed to have you

as part of my family!

Add Another Candle To The Cake

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN!!!

FUN FACTS ABOUT MEGAN:

*She loves Janet Jackson

*She loves Chinese food

*She HATES attention

*She's a fantastic friend

I hope you have a wonderful day.

Creativity At It's Best

Last night's card group produced some VERY cute cards so I thought I would share. As an extra special fun game for you, try to pick out which one was my original "ugly" card. It's in there!

BABY GIRL

THANK YOU

BABY BOY

Spence & Hannah's Special Request

"Can we skip the new house and just live in this huge dirt pile?"

Step Into Bizarro-World

In a completely freaky turn of events, the sign RE-APPEARED later that same day. It was in a different part of the yard but none of the fliers were missing and it was back. So weird.

In other news, I'm completely unnerved because tomorrow night is my card swap group and the cards I made, are, well, UGLY. I don't know why. The paper is cute, the design is cute, but the cards themselves are ugly. Do I have to start over? Do I pass out ugly cards? Do I tell everyone I forgot to make them and just hang out? If I knew WHY they were ugly I could fix it but it just doesn't make sense. Any suggestions?

A Girl's Gotta Do What A Girl's Gotta Do

I woke up this morning smiling because of the great day that awaited me. The sun was shining, my in-laws were coming to see our new house, we have a date scheduled for tonight...what could be better?

And then I opened my front blinds to discover that someone had STOLEN our House For Sale sign. Seriously?

Ok, I realize that it was probably just some kids thinking they were funny or maybe one of Brad's students whose not too happy with their grades right now, but really? Stealing our sign? I know I should be grateful that we have the resources to buy another sign, blah, blah, blah, but the whole thing HORKED me because of the incovenience.

So, until a new sign has been purchased and fliers have been made, I am selfishly posting the houses' info here: http://kpr.craigslist.org/rfs/270367558.html. The first person to find us a buyer will luckily receive ANYTHING THEY WANT from yours truly.

The Book of My Life

While watching The Police at the Grammy's the other night I became acutely aware of why I love Sting so much. He is my all time favorite performer and I have loved his music for as long as I can remember. I've been lucky enough to see him in concert several times and know the lyrics to just about every song he's ever recorded.

This song, The Book of My Life, is one of my favorites and it got me thinking about the book of my life. What will the pages say about me after I'm gone? That I was fat and funny or friendly and fantastic? I think it's always good to check in on yourself and make sure that your filling the pages of your own book exactly as you want.

If you haven't heard this song before, take a minute and listen to it and then consider what YOUR book will say.

My Wish For You

Happy

VALENTINE'S

Day!

May your day be filled with the love of those you cherish the most.

Sienna & Maddie's Bedtime Snack

You're Going Down, Grandpa

After dropping Spence at school this morning, I decided I would risk taking all four other kids to Wal-Mart to get a few things. I gave myself a pep talk and reminded the kids of what was expected of them. I've decided I need to raise my expectations as far as their behavior is concerned knowing that they will meet my expectations and things will run much more smoothly.

Our trip to Wal-Mart was a complete success and I felt great about changing my attitude and thus changing their behavior. After loading kids and groceries into the car, I chatted with Nicole for a few minutes who was parked next me. As we finished up, I walked the cart to the front of the parking lot and left it in the lined walkway area, LIKE MILLIONS OF OTHER MOMS. As I turn back to the car, an old man honks at me. Thinking I've dropped something, I look at him and smile as he points angrily to my cart, and then back behind him, across the parking lot, to the cart corral. "PUT YOUR CART AWAY" he mouths to me angrily. Ok, right.

If I was a mature person, I would have smiled sheepishly and calmly put my cart away. BUT I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I gave him my best death look, glared him down and THEN put my cart away. And I hate myself for it! You'd think I'd be mad that I was rude to this old man who was so blatantly rude to me, but that's not it. I'm mad because I put my cart away!!!!

I walked back to Nicole and told her what happened and she reiterated my annoyance saying that I should have asked him to wait with THE FOUR KIDS IN MY CAR while I hiked across the parking lot to securely store my cart. I'm sorry, the world is not the same as it was 117 years ago old man when you could leave your kids in your car unattended and not fear for them being snatched away while your back is turned. I'm really not lazy, that's not my issue. I've just seen far to many 20/20 episodes where kids are taken and it scares the crap out of me. Nicole retaliated by leaving her cart right where I wanted to leave mine and we left feeling like we had made a difference in the mind of an old man.

I called Tiffany as I was leaving and told her what happened and while she laughed and laughed I said "I'm trying to be a better person, damnit!" I think that about sums it up.

Luckily, when I got home I had the cutest mug in the world waiting for me to cheer me up. Isn't it delightful?

I Can't Believe I'm Playing Tag Online, But Here Goes

Six more fun tidbits about ME:

1. I have hardly any feeling in my lower lip and chin thanks to jaw reconstruction surgery in high school. Most of you know this, but for those of you who don't, try not to make fun of me the next time I spill on myself. It happens ALL THE TIME.

2. Everyday at 2 0'clock, I make myself a drink of green tea and lemonade and I LOVE IT.

3. I was second runner up in a pageant in high school and was actually awarded prize money. No SMART REMARKS here.

4. I FAILED driver's ed the first time. I thought it would be so ridiculously easy that I never paid attention and had to repeat it again on Saturday's. I didn't get my license for several months after my 16th birthday.

5. I would LOVE to go to culinary school.

6. At least once a day, I think about getting a boob job and a tummy tuck. Does that make me VAIN?

Slumpy Be Gone

You know how sometimes you need a good cry to get you out of a slump? The same can be said for a good laugh....

Last night at New Beginnings, I was sitting in the front row next to Rebecca enjoying a great program. As we started to sing the closing song, Rebecca and I, in typical fashion, chose to sing rather quietly since neither of us has a decent set of pipes. Everything was going just fine until the last word of the first verse came out of my mouth as this extra loud, off-key, horrendous sound. We both started to giggle at the heinous noise and were soon laughing so hard that we couldn't stop. At all.

We tried to be discreet but my whole body was shaking with laughter and everything I tried to do made it that much worse. Rebecca had her head down trying desperately to gain composure but every attempt we made at calming down only made us laugh harder. It was the best kind of laughter too; the kind that racks your body and leaves you feeling so great about the world. Too bad it was in the middle of a really sweet song after a really sweet program.

I blame Rebecca completely for my lack of control. She is always so composed and so in control that the sight of her laughing uncontrollably was more than I could take. I literally turned my body away from her and tried to think of something, anything at all that would make me stop but nothing worked. I would calm down for a second or two and then just start all over again.

You would think that as an adult I would be able to get a grip but I honestly couldn't. It reminded me of a time as a child when, during midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, my brother and I got to laughing about something and couldn't stop. Nothing could stop that one either, not my parents giving us the evil eye, not the priest looking down at us in disgust. Nothing. Last night was completely similiar.

Aside from my blatant irreverance, I'm so glad for the laughter because it snapped me right out of my slump and today I feel great. So great that I decided KT should sing to us because how can you be in a bad mood when this song is playing?

Rebecca, you were perfect. Thanks for the laughter.

Merry Maids, Only Not So Merry

I'm slumpy. In a slump. Slumpy, slump, slump. And I don't know why, or what my problem is, but I'm completely annoyed with myself for being such a schmuck.

I think I've organized myself into a rut of massive proportions and I need to shake things up a bit. For example, for every day of the week, I have given myself different jobs to do so that I stay on top of everything that I have to accomplish day in and day out. Today is Wednesday which for me means cleaning all the bathrooms and doing the kitchen floor. Yesterday was Tuesday, laundry and dusting. Tomorrow, Thursday, vacumming and decluttering. You get the point.

Normally, I love this schedule because it allows me to keep a clean and organized house without ever getting too far behind and thus ending up overwhelmed, but as of yesterday, I started to feel like the maid. Make breakfast for five, clean up breakfast for five. Make school lunch. Shuttle everyone around, to Maya, to preschool, back home again. Lunch for four, clean up for four. Wipe noses. Zip jackets. Onto dinner, making something everyone likes but low-cal and healthy. More cleanup. Oversee homework and piano practice. Read scriptures. Say prayers. Into bed. Only to start again today.

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE MY LIFE. I am so grateful to get to do what I do and I know I have an amazing family. But sometimes your life catches up with you and you start to feel like your watching your life go by through a window in a house you don't recognize.

The good thing about my slump is that I am great at getting myself out of it. I know that most likely, maybe even in an hour or two, something will happen and I will be reminded of how lucky I am to get to be mom and that I have bathrooms to clean. In the meantime, I've got some floors to scrub.

More To Think About Than An After School Special

In my attempt to be a more well-rounded person, I've given myself the goal of reading more this year and not always reading the same stuff. The types of books that I am usually drawn to are your basic chick-lit, just as my bio says. I love Jennifer Weiner, Jane Green, Marian Keyes, etc because their books are easy to read, completely entertaining, and always keep my laughing. The only problem with them is that I rarely find myself learning something new or appreciating a new perspective and since my brain is already filled to capacity with mindless crap, it's time to branch out.

I was lucky enough to receive several new books for Christmas and I have read almost all of them and am here to report what I've learned:

• How To Be Good by Nick Hornby. Quite possibly the most annoying book on the planet. It started out fine but I quickly got frustrated with the lead character and often found myself wanting to hit her upside the head. Hornby also wrote About A Boy which I loved so I had high hopes but was sadly disappointed.
• The Girl's Guide To Hunting & Fishing by Melissa Bank. I was expecting some fun chicklishousness from this but also found it completely annoying. The story jumps all over the place, including an entire chapter randomly written in third person, and while there is probably some great name for this literary device, I found it distracting and obnoxious.
• For One More Day by Mitch Albom. Now we're getting somewhere. I have always enjoyed Albom's books although some may say they're predictable and stale, and maybe they are, but it was a poignant read and an uplifting story of possibility. I read it in a few hours and was happy I had.
• Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner. Not surprisingly, I LOVED this book. It's an honest look at early marriage and motherhood and I completely appreciated Weiner's upfront approach to telling it like it is. It was a quick read, like most of her books, but I enjoyed being pulled into someone's elses reality and comparing it to my own.
• Wicked by Gregory Maguire. I'm trying not to let all of the rave reviews of this book and musical cloud my perceptions, but I have to say that although I'm only 25 pages in, I'm struggling. I don't know if I just don't appreciate fantasy writing or if I'm just not in the mood, but it's not coming along as easily as I hoped. I am determined to finish it and I know I'll appreicate it once I'm through it, but so far, so-so.

So it looks like even though my intentions are great, I really am just a fan of mindless literature. Once I finish Wicked I'm hoping to tackle a few classics like Middlemarch and Jane Eyre. Maybe they can help turn my brain into something other than mush.