My Personal Brand of Tasmanian Devils

I seriously need help. It's a little embarrassing. Brad chuckles every time I bring it up and I know it sounds ridiculous but I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I can think of and yet I start each day with the same problem.

I've forgotten how to sleep.

I KNOW!

Well, no, wait now. I haven't forgotten how to sleep exactly. I've forgotten how to sleep comfortably. I wake up every morning all mangled and crippled. First I curse the mattress. Then I curse the pillow. Then I creak and crack and roll out of bed, trying not to turn my head to the right for fear my neck will snap right in two.

It sucks.

I have a theory. I always have a theory and I know this one to be true. My discomfort is directly related to, ahem, my udders.

Bear with me. I know I just set the feminist movement back 50 years by comparing myself to a cow but let's be honest here. All they do is hang about and create milk so really. Am I all that far off in my assessment here? I. Think. Not.

My theory goes like this: because of the fact that my udders take up about 95% of my torso, I can't sleep on my side like a normal person. When I try, it feels like two wombats are at battle on my neck. There is much gnashing and smashing and squishing going on and I can't breathe. If I try sleeping on my back, well, that's no good either. Now it's like the wombats are trying to burr into my armpits for the winter and that's not exactly the quickest path to REM sleep. And obviously the stomach is off, because, well, you try sleeping on top of two wombats.

My solution to this problem of late has been to sleep on my side with my arm under my pillow. This was working swimmingly until suddenly it wasn't. I started waking up in the morning with agonizing pain between my shoulder blades and because I am a slow learner, I originally blamed everything around me.

"Brad! We need a new mattress! This one is horrible!"

Three days later...

"Brad! We need new pillows! These ones are horrible!"

And then, finally...

"Brad! I need new udders! These ones are horrible!"

And so the story goes.

For the past several days, I've been trying to learn a new way of sleeping. Let me tell you, way easier said than done. When you have that one perfectly comfy position for rest, it's hard to trick your body into thinking something else will feel just as good. I toss. I turn. I start to hyperventilate because it's the middle of the night and I haven't been to sleep yet and then I inevitably thrust my arm under my head and go right to sleep. And wake up disfigured.

Last night's dance of the wombat combined with my son who seems to have an ear infection granted me approximately 24 seconds of sleep. This does not make for a happy Kiz-Jo.

I am hoping that because I am on the verge of face-planting into the keyboard that I will drift off to sleep in record time, arm tucked securely by my side. I am hoping the wombats will snuggle in and stay put. I am hoping that Dr. Rey will make a house call and cut these udders right off while I sleep, comfortably, arms where they're supposed to be. And most importantly, I am hoping to awake in the morning renewed and refreshed and without the need of an entire tube of Icy Hot.

Here's to hoping.

As Always, My Hero

After a year and a half of hard work and a lot of blood, sweat and tears on the part of my husband, I am overjoyed to announce that HE PASSED HIS NATIONAL BOARDS!!!!!

This is a HUGE accomplishment in the teaching community. Only 1/3 of all participants pass in their first year and while the national recognition is nice, it also means a big, fat bonus guaranteed to him for the next ten years.

For those who know Brad, you know how easygoing and completely chill he is and I can honestly say that this is the most nervous I have ever seen him. While he completed the bulk of the work during last year's school year, he took the test in May and we have been waiting ever since to hear the news. This man has lost countless hours of sleep worrying about this and while I always knew he would excel, I'm glad he knows for sure now.

I am so incredibly proud of you. Once again, you have gone above and beyond for our family and your hard work paid off. You are the most amazing man and I love you dearly.

Congratulations Rizz!

(This also means there is a ticket to Twilight available for tonight if anyone wants it. I'll be out celebrating with my husband!)

Contentment

My house is quiet.

My kids are sleeping.

My dishes are done.

My laundry is folded.

My body is exhausted.

My eyes are sleepy.

My mind is calm,

AND

to quote one of my favorite movies

"I'm thankful for the work."

Rockin' And Rollin' And What Not

Last week, the little man in our house learned to go from this



to this


so we all think he's genius. I love having older kids who get lost in the wonder of a baby. You'd think Austin just split the atom they're so thrilled with his accomplishment. Jut wait til he starts sitting!

Last Woman On Earth

Tonight, I will do this:


so that next week, when I sit among 150 squealing P-town women, I'll know what all the excitement is about.

Wish me luck.

Bo-Bo Turns 6

For Hannah's birthday, we decided on a tea party. I made the invitations into little teapots that said "We're brewing up something special for Hannah's 6th Birthday!" and I wrote each girls name on a tea bag coming out of the pot. I know, I'm a genius!

We asked the girls to come in their best party dresses and they looked beyond adorable. My mother, who quite possible has more china than the Queen Mum herself, set a beautiful table complete with a lace tablecloth and fresh flowers. The girls were so sweet, carefully picking up their teacups and saucers and snacking on crackers and cheese.


After teatime, the girls got to make bracelets and necklaces which was a huge hit. They danced around the living room with their new jewelery and had a ball. Hannah's beaming face was the best present of the day.


The fun part for me when planning my kid's parties is always the cake. I don't have the amazing skill set of Katie or Heather, but I like to play around with new things and make something original for each cake. Naturally, I decided on a teapot and with the guidance of Heather and about 23 phone calls, I did ok. Hannah was beyond thrilled and that's all that mattered.


After opening her gifts and sending her friends home, Hannah remarked that "this was the best possible day!" Mission accomplished.

Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggety Dog

Disclaimer: To my one follower, you should know by now that when I drop off the blogging grid, it's because my sweet mother is in town and we are busy doing other things. Now that she has gone (and taken TWO of my children with her!) I will have more time than I know what to do with and will probably inundate you with my posts. Oooh, lucky you.

Ok, where were we? Oh, that's right. Halloween, birthday parties, and the likes. Let's see. Halloween was a hoot. My FOUR kids were adorable but I only managed to capture ONE on film. I know. I'm ridiculous. Here is the cutest little hot dog this side of Oscar Meyer:


I know other people got pictures of my other kids and if they would like to send them to me, that would be fab. Otherwise, Halloween 2008 will forever be known as the year of the weeny. Cinderella (Sienna) a cheerleader (Hannah) and a Mariner (Spencer) were running around with us, I swear. Sorry Grandma Boise!

Next up, Hannah's birthday which I will post about tomorrow. Other than planning her party when two of her dear friends couldn't attend due to being in school and me being a troll (sorry Kendle D and Ally M!) it was smashing. Kim and Sarah, I will be calling for a special play date to make up for my extreme lameness.

To My Kiddos

Hey guys, mom here.

I just wanted to mark this day as a special one because Daddy and I voted. We voted for who we liked the best, who we felt would do the best job for our country, and who we thought would help you achieve the future you deserve. Are we right? Did our person win? Will they do a good job? Only time will tell, but for now, sweet children, I will remind you how important it is to do what's right, to make your voice be heard, to follow your heart and not the pack. In our beloved country, we are given the right to choose for ourselves and it's my prayer that you will always choose what's right for you.

Smooches to you from here to D.C.,
Mama

How Quickly They Forget

Dear Brain,

Ok honey, time to renew your membership to Slow Learners Of America....

Haven't we been focused on getting healthy? Haven't we been killing ourselves on our bike, bruising our unmentionables all in the hopes of thin thighs? Haven't we been trying desperately to set a good example for our kids who currently exist on a diet of mac-n-cheese and Crystal Lite? Haven't we been thrilled to see the numbers go down instead of going up?

Then what, pray tell, has happened to all the progress we've made to make you think it's normal to eat one's body weight in Halloween candy? To search mercilessly through your children's Halloween haul, plucking out all the Reese's Peanut Buttercups and 1000 Grand bars? To find any excuse to open the pantry door and snarf on some candy, secretly annoyed with all the homeowner's who think it's perfectly ok to pass out crap candy like gumpdrops and NERDS?


Get. A. Grip. Tubby!

I've tried my best to teach you, jumbling your stomach around in knots all day causing you to wish for relief. I've sent you to the bathroom numerous times and caused you to curl up in the fetal on the couch gripping your tummy in pain. Do you get it now? Do you see that I'm serious? I will not be mocked. I will make you yearn for happier times. I was just starting to get used to a healthier fuel and then you go and muck it all up with Hershey Bars and M&Ms.

You can do better. WE deserve better. Take the enormous amount of candy your wee ones collected and toss it in the garbage. You have proven that you have no control and despite my best efforts, you don't seem to be getting it.

Seriously. Stop the carnage. Refocus and think of your goals before someone slaps a "Save the Whales" sticker on your arse.

Wanting to purge,
Your body