No Tricks, Just Treats

Change Of Plans

Most Saturday mornings find us busy, busy, busy. We often have friends or family curled up in our guest room (which we LOVE) and so we're busy making breakfast and finalizing our plans for the day. If we find ourselves guest-free, Brad and I are usually up for an early morning bike ride or off to the gym. Our day fills up before we know it and when we make our way back to bed, we often wonder where the day went.

Not today.

Today we are moving slowly. The kids are eating breakfast to the sounds of Dora who is off on another adventure. Hot cocoa is sitting on the counter, waiting to cool a bit. I'm holed up in my sweats, nursing a cold that has taken hold but feeling pretty darn good because of the quiet and warmth of the morning. These mornings are few and far between for us and for today, I'm going to enjoy every second.

The Reason Behind All Of This

Yeseterday was a rough day at the high school.

Not because the kids weren't good; they were great. I'm sort of going to miss this randy group of freshman since we've spent 7 days together here in the trenches. They're a good group of kids, for the most part, and they've made me not fear my own kids going to high school as much. And they've been sweet to me, partially because I'm married to one of the favorite teachers here at PHS, partially because my brother-in-law is also here and completely loved by the students, and partially because I'm an awesome sub. Really, I am.

No, yesterday was a rough day because I was bored out of my mind. The kind of bored that seeps into your pores and leaves you wishing for something, anything to do. Scrubing the grout in my kitchen tile? Sure. Matching mis-matched socks? Alrighty. Watching Dora with Austin for the 27 millonth time? A pleasure.

So I had a lot of time on my hands after I finished my amazing book and surfed as much of the internets as the Pasco School District will allow. Most the sites I frequent are blocked, not because I'm pervy but because high school kids are and will make something out of nothing. Luckily, Google Reader is not one of those sites and I jumped from blog to blog to blog. Some were about home renovating and DIY projects which were fascinating. Some were about cooking and recipe sharing. But most were about moms. Moms and babies. Moms and their spouses. Moms doing what moms do; loving their lives, fighting for what's right, trying to mold their children into the kind of people we need. Moms being moms.

And I started to think about why so many women turn to their blog throughout the day to write. Write about what matters, write about what's happening, write about what they fear/love/cherish/made/know etc. Because even though the stories are different, we all turn to this forum for the very same reason.

To. Be. Heard.

I think, for the stay-at-home-mom in particular, the need to be heard is tremendous. A big old need that reads like a neon sign above our heads, flashing for all to seee that says "Notice me! Pay Attention to Me! Validate Me!" Because so much of what we do, we do behind closed doors. Not behind those closed doors, but within the walls of our homes, where very few see the work we do. And while the job is as rewarding as all get out, it can be lonely. It can be isolating. It can feel like no one sees what we accomplish, the love we have for our wifehood/motherhood/sisterhood. The small things that we do all day everyday often go unnoticed but they are the very things that will raise a generation of good people who will carry forth the work of the world. That's what we're doing. In our own small ways, behind closed doors, where no one reallys sees, we are changing the landscape of the world to come.

And so we turn to the blogosphere to be heard, to record our journey so that we know what we are doing is right. Important. Necessary. Valid. We yearn for comments and a spike in the sitemeter because it tells us someone is reading. Someone, somewhere, is taking the time to read what we think. Someone is silently saying "I hear you. I understand what you're going through. I know what you're doing and why you do it."

And that thing right there? That knowledge that what we write is being read keeps us all coming back. We will show up here during naptime and in between carpools and often with a sleeping babe across our laps to write it all out in hopes of it being read and the imagined high five that comes our way saying "You're doing it! You're doing it right and doing it well!"

So I will keep on reading. I will take the time to cheer you on and hear everything you have to say. Because I know the power that we moms have, not just for our children and families but for each other. I will read and high five and comment because I understand why you need it.

I need it too.

GoodReads

Just finished The Help by Kathryn Stockett. My mind is reeling, my heart is aching and my spirit is soaring. When was the last time a book did that?

Go find a copy and curl up on this blustery day. You'll be so glad you did.

Thanks Marilyn. Your book will be home soon!

Monday Letters

Dear Pasco Stake,

I know you were all grossly overbooked Friday night but we sure missed you at the Fall Ball. My fridge and freezer are bursting at the seams but I've got a few ideas of how to put all that food to good use. If they ask me to do this again, I hope you'll come see what we cook up. It was a lot of fun, a lot of work, and a lot of food.

Full to the brim,

Chef PRP

::

Dear Primary Presidency,

How in the world you managed to pull off such a great program with that many kids completely mystifies me. It was a wonderful program and it left me wishing to never have to fill any of your shoes. Well done!

Spiritually Fed,

Sister J

::

Dear Diet Dr. Pepper,

You're yummy. And just the thing I needed this early Monday morning at the high school. Thanks for the pick-me-up.

Refreshed,

Former DP Addict in Slight Relapse

::

Dear New Black Heels,

I heart you. I felt ever so sassy wearing you yesterday paired with some fishnets. It amazes me what a great pair of shoes can do for my confidence. Can't wait to wear you again.

Walking Tall,

Sassy Self

::

Dear Best Kids Ever,

You guys rocked this morning. It pained me to pull you from your warm beds and get you out the door but you all did it happily and know that this won't be forever. I appreciate your sacrifice so that I can work a bit. I promise to be back to full-time Mama before you know it.

Missing You,

Mama

::

Dear Husband,

Thanks for working so hard so that I can stay home with our kiddos. I'm grateful for the oppurtinuty to work but so much more gratfeul to be Mama all day, everyday. I miss those little ones like no one's business.

Happy to Mother,

Your wife

::

Dear Resident of Kent,

This too shall pass and you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit. Be proud of yourself and let us take care of you. You take care of us in so many ways and we love you.

Always Here,

Karen

::

Dear M, E & C,

Can I please see your faces soon? I'm missing you all fiercely. I love you to bits and want to hole up in a big old cabin somewhere with all of our peoples running around us. Let's work on that.

Your Sister,

Lfestgirl

::

Dear Fall,

Thanks for showing up! I pulled out my favorite green coat the other day and warpped a scarf around my neck. Loved every second of it. So happy you're here.

Warmly, (wink, wink)
Cozied Kiz

::

Dear Halloween,

Can you drop some costumes in my lap? I don't have anything ready and don't have any time to figure it out. I feel like that mom and I hate feeling like that mom.

Pathetically Unprepared,
PRP

::

Dear Bubble Mom,

Thanks for momming my kids this week. I really appreciate your help and knowing they are in a great place. Be sure to pass out hugs and kisses for me.

Gratefully,
Your Sis-In-Law

Just LIke A Chipmunk

Have I mentioned how much I love my fridge?


Man alive, I do.

When we built this house, we splurged on the Big! Fridge! and that thing has been worth it's weight in gold ever since.

Especially on days like today when, my sweet Sienna, in search of yogurt this morning said "Mama! How come you are storing so much food for winter?"



I'm still laughing about it.

I reminded her about the big dance tonight and that Mama was elbow deep in preparations and while I should be stressed to the hilt, and am probably forgetting something major, I'm incredibly excited to spend the day in my kitchen cooking away. For me, it's what Fall is all about.

Oh, and while I'm busy in the kitchen today, I'll definitely be listening to this. It's making me swoon. And miss my hubs.

I Know Our Schools Are In Crisis, But This Is Worse Than I Expected

Today I can be found at the local middle school. A school that serves over 1500 students and has more portables than I thought possible. I am smack dab in the middle of that sea in Portable 16 and apparently the heating system from the main building doesn't make it out here because my classroom is currently a breezy 61 degrees. Some of my cute little sixth graders are wearing gloves while they take their Social Studies test.

Note to self: stock up on fingerless gloves for Spence for when he walks these halls next year.

Um, yeah, about that? My babe will be here next year among the ID badges & Aeropostale sweatshirts and iPods and can I just say? The whole thing freaks me out. There is definitely a palapble difference between 5th and 6th grade and I can't imagine my boy out here in this portable jungle. I've got some growing up to do between now and next fall.

While my freezing students are making sense of their chapter 3 review, I am compiling the world's largest grocery list. I was asked to be in charge of the food for a stake dance this Friday night and I've been scouring recipes for weeks. My trusty partner Cindy and I formalized our plans yesterday and are preparing for our grocery shop Thursday morning. Did I mention I'm to prepare for 300 guests? Food for 300? No problem. I'm excited about what we've settled on and am anxious to get cooking. I may have mentioned it here a time or two before but cooking for others is my very favorite thing. We'll see if I still feel the same thing after prepping for 300.

While I'm exicted about my Friday night plans, I'm bummed because my little family was offered up lots of fun for the exact same day and I'm bummed to miss out. One of our favorite families invited us over for soups and s'mores and we love anything that involves them. Their home is so warm and inviting and she has the greatest fall decor around. I'm always excited to see what she's come up with. Another friend is having a baby shower for her first born son and I'm itching to get away and see some old friends. She has waited for this little guy patiently and I would love to celebrate her. And finally, the kid's school is hosting Monster Math Night, a night that I used to be in charge of as PTO Pres. I was secretly looking forward to enjoying the evening without any responsibilities! When it rains, it pours I guess but I wish I could make it to all four events with time to spare.

Oh, and one more thing. One shallow, ridiculous, completely non-important thing. Would you be so kind as to become a follower of this little bloggy? I look over at my sidebar and see the 10 who will claim me and I have to say, it depresses me. I know you're out there, my SiteMeter tells me so, so if you can stomach it, take a moment and come follow me. My self-esteem and I would really appreciate it.

My fingers are beginning to turn blue so I'm off to run some laps around the classroom with my students. Happy Tuesday to you!

The Results

He......






















WON!!!

We are so proud. Love you Spence.

Tales Of A Fifth Grade Something

My stomach is all sorts of somersaulty today.

There are big happenings in our home today. Spence is giving his speech this afternoon for 5th grade vice president and I'm not sure which one of us is more nervous.

I'm pretty sure it's me.

And I know all moms feel this when when their babes attempt to tackle something new. And I'm not nervous that he won't win; there are 52 students running for four possible positions which is unheard of at our school, so I'm well aware that he has an uphill climb. What scares me, what makes me nervous, what keeps my stomach rolling around and around is that my boy will lose a little part of what makes him so bloody fantastic.

Spencer is good, plain and simple. He sees the good in others, is first to volunteer to help and truly believes that if you work hard and are a good person, everything will work out. I love this about him. I would happily take credit for his ilfe-is-beautiful attitude but I can tell you that he came here to us just as he is. He has his moments, don't get me wrong, but Spence is the kind of kid that makes moms swoon.

And so while he knows about all the competition and will be the first to tell you that the election is really just a popularity contest (which I hate) he really believes he'll win. He reasons that all his service over his years at the school will show everyone why he's the best man for the job.

"I've been a buddy helper since 2nd grade!"

"I've taken the kindergarten lunch totes back to the classroom since third grade!"

"I stayed after school my whole 2nd grade year to help Sra. P clean the desks!"

And so on.

More than anything, I want this to be true. I want him to know that hard work pays off, that people care more about who will do the job well than who will be entertaining while doing it. I want him to feel good about all those times he's skipped recess or stayed late to help another teacher or classmate. And he does, because he's Spence. I know that whatever the outcome, he'll show up to school on Monday with a smile on his face, ready to support whoever wins. I just hope that in the process, he'll retain all that yummy Spencerness. That he'll feel proud of himself for taking a chance and doing something out of his comfort zone. That whatever happens, he'll be ready to try again. And most importantly, that he'll know how he knocked my socks off for being so brave.

Fingers are crossed, buddy. Go get 'em.

Beauty Is As Beauty Does

Yesterday, as I was stopped at a stoplight on my way to work, I glanced in the rearview mirror. I'm always particulalry self-conscious going to the high school and I'm also incredibly vain, so it was a totally normal thing for me to do.

And I had one of those slow motion moments where everything slows down and you look, and then look again, surprised by what you see. Because for the first time I noticed a feature on my face that I had never noticed before. Here's where you need to be kind: I'm sure you all noticed it ages ago but for me, wow. Never seen that before.

Lines. Not-so-teeny tiny lines sprouting out from my eyes like little whiskers. I looked again. I smiled, watching them increase in size. I turned my head to the right. To the left. Yep, silly little lines changing the landscape of my face ever so slightly.

I'm not going to lie. I thought about those lines for a good part of the day. When did they show up? How long have they been there? I thought about my daily cleansing routine and what I should change, add, remove, etc to help escort those little lines on their way, away from my face. I had a brief moment of thinking that I could get them to take up residence someplace else because aren't I too young to have the dreaded Crow's Feet?

Um, not so much.

And then last night, I watched Brothers & Sisters with my mom. I love that show and as often happens, I found my thoughts playing out on the screen. The show's matriarch, played by the amazing Sally Field, spent the episode feeling old, feeling unattractive, feeling unlovable, and even consulted with a plastic surgeon to change the landscape of her face. She rationalized that she deserved it, that it would help her feel better, that she didn't need to explain her motives to everyone and while I agreed with every word she said, I especially agreed with her words at the end of the show. She realized that her face showed the wear and tear of a life well lived. That the lines accounted for every moment she spent loving or worrying or crying over the people she loved. She realized that the changes in her appearance weren't anything to push away but needed to be welcomed as a sign that she was here, that she had lived, and that she had loved every moment.

So to the little lines dancing about my eyes, I say welcome. Make yourself comfortable and stay awhile. I worked hard for each and every one of you and am proud of the stories you could tell. I have lived a life worth documeting. I am happy about the things I have done and the experiences that have brought me where I am today. I am thrilled to have lived a life laughing and crying and feeling everything there is to feel. I am honored to have you.

But maybe, just maybe, you could tell your friends to take their time in joining in?

The Geometry Diaries, Day 1

Good Monday Morning, internets.

A few things on my mind this morning:

::I'm subbing at the high school all week thanks to my amazing mother who is home watching my kids so I can earn a bit of fat cash. She is helping us get out of the hole that is The Duplex and I'm so grateful for her help. And I'm grateful for a bit of time away from my routine. A change in the scenery is just what I needed.

::My brother, his wife and their two little ones spent a good chunk of last week with us and it was top notch. My nephew Devin is three months older than Austin so it was a small taste of twins and can I just say? It was enough to last me for quite some time. Mothers Of Twins: Holy cow, I tip my hat to you. It was exhausting but amazing, which I'm sure pretty much describes any given day in your house. And then there's my sweet niece Nadia who was insanely fun to snuggle. Being out of the baby stage and knowing I never have to go there again has given me so much more love for babes.

(This is where I would post pictures if I wasn't at school. Trust me, they're cute.)

::I was asked to share some thoughts at church yesterday and I balled like a baby. Totally took me by surprise as I am not a crier (anymore) but there I was, looking like the Bride of Frankestein with streaky black mascara running down my face. It. was. awesome.

::Friday was one of my dearest friends birthdays and I was unable to see her. I'm so sad about it. My Christy is one heck of an amazing girl. She is larger than life in her spirit, her beauty, her generosity and love of family and life. She has two beautiful daughters and one amazing husband and lives her life in constant pain as she battles a debilitating disease. She is a Warrior Woman and I have learned so many lessons sitting at her feet. I love you dearly Chris and hope your day was filled with all the things you love.

(Erica, since Chris never reads this, forward it on to her, will you?)

::I battled it out with Jillian again this morning and feel so much better than I did last week. The first time, her chatarunga nearly killed me but today I held my own, kind of. My body feels strong and I'm excited to see what kind of progress I make.

::My sister-in-law made homemade buttermilk pancakes yesterday AND homemade buttermilk syrup. It was pretty much heavenly. I'm still thinking about it.

::The best part about subbing at PHS? Time with my hubby which is what I'm off to do now. Happy Monday!

The Facebook Fallout, And Why I Should Know Better

To quote one of my favorite characters, Friday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. If you and I are Facebook friends, then you probably saw the drama as it unfolded, but if not, I'll give you a brief synopsis.

My kid's school is finally sponsoring a Girls On The Run group. If you're not familiar with that, go here. It's one of my favorite after-school programs and I was stoked that we finally had one in our reach. Since my sweet Hannah struggles with the very issues they focus on in GOTR, I was insanely excited to get her on board. I met with Coach Kelly who is a teacher at the school that I've gotten to know quite well through my years in PTO and she offered me a chance at coaching with her since the turnout they've had has been tremendous. I had never considered coaching but was happy to help since I knew how much of a difference it could make for Hannah. The problem? The program is intended for girls in 3rd the 5th grade. My Hannah is in 2nd grade. The coach told me to bring her along, especially since I could only be there at one practice a week. Who would care, we both thought?

Apparently, someone.

On Thursday, Hannah and I went to our first practice of Girls On The Run and can I just say, WOW. The lesson for the day was spot on for Hannah and I could visibly see her loosening up and feeling differently about herself. She raised her hand and joined in the conversation. She stood tall among the girls. And when it came time to run, my little sweetie and I pounded out 1.2 miles. She was overjoyed. Exuberant. So insanely proud of herself and on the way home, she said, "Mom, it doesn't matter than I feel too tall to do ballet anymore because I'm going to be a runner."

You see, my Hannah struggles. She struggles with being taller than every other person in her class, boys included. She struggles with feeling good about herself because all she can see is how different she is from her friends. She struggles with having the confidence in herself to try new things and will readily sit out of activities because she's afraid of making a mistake or drawing attention to herself. Hannah has a hard time being Hannah, and nothing is harder to see as her Mom. It feels like a gigantic failure on my part and all I want is for her to know how amazing she is. No, not just know it, but believe it.

And that's why Girls On The Run was a perfect match for her. That's why the focus of the curriculum seems designed specifically for her. That's why the high she felt on Thursday was heartbreaking because of the lows she felt on Friday.

Someone didn't like that Hannah got to go to that practice on Thursday and called the YMCA (who oversees the program) to complain. And this someone didn't call me first to find out the details of what was going on before they made sure she couldn't go to practice anymore. And someone jumped to conclusions without knowing the facts and Hannah got caught in the middle. I awoke Friday to an email from the director of the program saying how incredibly sorry she was but that because of the complaint, Hannah wouldn't be able to participate anymore. Even though I was going to be with her the entire time and would take full responsibility for her. Even though I was willing to give of my time by coaching in hopes that Hannah could begin to benefit from the program. Even though my daughter desperately needed the positive effects of this program and there wasn't anything else like it to meet her needs. Even though.

And I sobbed. Like huge, crocodile tears that I could not contain or keep in. It broke my heart to know that I had just found the very thing Hannah needed but couldn't give it to her. If I had been able to calm myself down, I never would have told Hannah what was happening before I sent her to school but because I was a mess and she wanted to know why, I told her. Her huge eyes filled with tears and she fell into me, hugging me tight. "Why do they care Mama? Why can't I do it anymore?"

And this is where I'm kind of stuck. Because I understand why someone got annoyed. I understand how it's not fair. I understand that to someone, it probably looked like I got preferential treatment because of my history with the school. But I also understand that it's important to fight for your kids. That if you know of some way to help your child, you should go for it. That volunteering to fill a position that no one else wants sometimes brings a few perks.

But mostly I'm just sad. Sad that one of my "friends" on Facebook would take it to the next level without talking to me first. Sad that my Hannah got knocked down just as she started to stand up tall. Sad that something that has the best of intentions created so much heartbreak at our house this weekend.

In the midst of all this yuck, and just when I was starting to doubt the goodness of people, some amazing things happened. Another mother of a girl on the team contacted me and told me she be happy to help me coach a younger girl's running group. A sister from my ward sent me a message, offering her thoughts and insights and giving me some suggestions on how to proceed. My ever-so-thoughtful sister-in-law Tiff send Hannah a beautiful boquet of flowers with a huge balloon and a card attached which read, "we think you're pretty special." And Coach Kelly? She offered to coach Hannah privately on her own time, recreating the lessons with her so that Hannah wouldn't lose the momentum of beginning to feel good about herself.

And I sobbed again.

I'm still heartbroken about it. I still ache for my Hannah to see herself as we all see her. But we'll keep working on it. We'll keep fighting for her and giving her what she needs. And next year, when she's in 3rd grade, we'll be part of an amazing Girls On The Run group.