life according to the prp

WIWW, Take 10

2012-01-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

So, I am officially a What-I-Wore Wednesday failure. It sort of bums me out.

The good news is that I've been pairing all sorts of new things together and feel like I've stepped up my game in regards to what I'm wearing.

The bad news is that I never, ever, ever, find time to snap a picture. I blame this on the fact that I'm really focused on working out so oftentimes, I'm not dressed in the morning when my photog (aka Hannah) leaves. If I'm being perfectly honest, I'm often not dressed when my photog returns home from school but that's another story for another day. Bottom line: most of my days include my wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt. But when I do get dressed, I'm pretty cute.

Really.

In other news, I bought a three-barrel jumbo waver and am in love. (Here's where I would post a picture but I'm at school today and the district blocks all pictures. Even ones of a three-barrel jumbo waver.) I didn't splurge on an expensive one because I wasn't sure how I would like it but I love what it's doing to my hair. Lots of body, lots of messy waves, I love it. And Sienna's hair, who up until now has refused to hold any type of curl, looks gorgeous. It's making our mornings a bit long as I wave my way through three heads but we all love it.

One more thing...I did Bikram yoga last night for the first time and nearly died. I think my body is still laying in that room sweating to death. I felt fantastic when it was over but it may have been the longest 90 minutes of my life. And the smells? I'm still bothered by the smell of that room. Fifty people doing yoga in a 103 degree room does not make for the cleanest smelling place. You know the smell of birth? It was kind of like that, times 50. Sick. to. the. nast.

Off to teach the minds of 5th graders. Happy Wednesday kids.

Pausing, Take 1

2012-01-17T13:59:00.000-08:00

This morning I headed outside to run and had taken about two steps when I remembered the forecast for the day: winds up to 50 mph. It was already howling out there so I came back in to re-group. Wanting to work on stretching my legs as I've recently identified shin splints as the culprit behind my calf pain, I decided to head to the mall to walk.

Now, this is something I used to do fairly regularly. I used to load up my stroller, stock my purse full of snacks, grab a few books and toys and pray that whatever toddler I was pushing around would let me get some exercise in. But this morning, all I had to grab was my phone, some earplugs, and my water bottle.

That's it.

As I started lapping the mall, I noticed a slew of mothers there who were walking the path I walked not that long ago. There were the moms that had brought their kids to the play area bright and early in hopes of letting them get some energy out. There were the moms who pushed around newborns, bundled tightly in their strollers, with the hopes of working off some of that remaining baby weight. There were moms who were meeting other moms for coffee and the chance to have adult conversation. And as I walked, I remember being a mom at each of those stages. I remember bribing my kids with playtime at the Thomas track in Barnes & Noble. I remember stopping every few feet to pick up the sippy cup that had been thrown to the ground. Again. I remember feeling overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and desperate from some semblance of my pre-baby body back. I remember it all and it struck me that although it's only been a few years, it seems a lifetime ago.

My days now are full of completely different things. I can run my errands alone. I can meet up with girlfriends for a meal at someplace other than the McDonald's playland. I can listen to my own music in the car because I'm often in there alone. I can take the time to do something I enjoy without interruption. It's freeing, this new life I'm living. It's something I remember longing for. And I love it.

But.

The reminders I saw this morning tugged at my heart a little more than I would have expected. And while I don't long to return to those days, I'm grateful for the reminder to enjoy each stage, each day, each question and request and argument because before I know it, I'll be longing for this stage too.

Stuff I Meant To Post Last Year But Forgot, Part 2

2012-01-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

I spent an insane amount of time last night dinking around on this little space of mine. I've been itching for a new look for awhile and with the help of these guys, I managed to gussy her up a bit. You like?

Don't tell me if you don't.

Or do. I can handle it.

After she was all prettied up, I started looking for something to post about which led me to my pictures folder. Where I quickly realized that I forgot to post about a million different things that happened last year. Which made me panic in a what-am-I-doing-here sort of way. Which made me start thinking about how to go back and include all the stuff I left. Which gave me a headache.

So.

Instead, I'm going to treat you to a the abbreviated version of The Stuff I Forgot For No Reason At All Other Than I'm The Mother Of Four Children.

Luckily, you get the picture version.

Austin was the cutest little balloon traveler for Halloween. Those pictures were awesome. I think I deleted them. I sort of hate myself for that but at least I have this gem, taken a good week after Halloween. That balloon refused to die and Austin (and the others) had a blast playing with it. He loved his costume. For about five houses. I loved carrying that thing around for the hour that followed. Totally worth it.

Hannah and Jared have birthdays only a day apart so for Sunday dinner this year, we celebrated together. That picture slays me for obvious reasons. Hannah and the guns? Priceless. I'm happy to report that that cake, made by Lindsay, weighed approximately 18 pounds which quickly made their way onto my butt. It was amazing.

Did I mention that we hosted Thanksgiving for 20? Well, we did. I loved it and already can't wait until next year. My makeshift table worked as I hoped and the food was delish.

My girls participated in a play at school thanks to Missoula Children's Theatre. This year's performance was The Wiz of the West, a take on The Wizard of Oz with a western twist and they loved every minute. Hannah was cast as part of the Munch Kin (get it?) and Sienna was the cutest tarantula around. Their good buddy Nadia was cast as The Wiz herself and this picture says it all.

Man I love those two.

That's more like it. Nadia, Hannah and Megan, the three Musketeers playing The Wiz, a Munch, and a Buzzard.

I know that didn't mean anything to any of you, except the Grandmas, but I feel better. I mean, if I can't brag about my cute kids, what's the point in blogging?

Happy Weekend friends. We've got visitors coming to town and we can hardly wait!

This Woman's Work

2012-01-12T12:55:00.000-08:00

Today I'm a working mom.

Working to take care of a Squish who woke with a nasty stomach last night and is spending her day curled up on the couch. Tending to some chores that have been neglected for a bit too long. Reading the same SkippyJon Jones book to one silly little man who laughs at the same places every time. Making plans for an upcoming party I'm helping to throw. Working my body into a healthier state despite the freezing temps outside or the fact that my muscles have yet to forgive Jillian for what she did to me yesterday. Figuring out what to make for dinner that will leave everyone happy. And satisfied. Planning the upcoming weekend with some very special visitors. Keeping myself busy by making yet another scarf that I will wear far too often. Making arrangements to move an event I'm passionate about to an even better location. Emailing those that have the answers I need and praying it all works out.

None of it is all that important. Most of it could be done by someone else. But this is the stuff of my Thursday and I want to remember how it feels to be a woman who does when I get bogged down and forget my purpose. Because even though it doesn't seem like I'm doing all that much, I am.

Today I'm a working mom. And it sort of rocks.

Stuff I Didn't Post Last Year But Really Meant To, Part I

2012-01-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

One of my unofficial goals this year is to post more recipes here. I'm pretty much always in the kitchen whipping something up and I've really made an effort to try new things. Most of them have been successful; some have not but that's part of the fun for me. I have a few rules when trying a new recipe: I always try to make it exactly as it's written so that I can give it an honest critique. Most of the time I do but every so often, I get the best of myself and start adding in whatever I think is missing. I will credit where I find these new recipes and let you know when I've monkeyed around with it. Deal?

I know this is a really horrible thing to post at the beginning of the year, when everyone is acutely aware of what they're eating (and how much they ate over the holidays) but this little recipe is worth it. You don't have to make it now but you really should file it away for something special. Valentine's Day perhaps? I'm sure your sweetie will love it.

I found this gem off Pinterest (are you following me yet?) and made it exactly as it's written. It is insanely rich and I never say that, but it is. The first time I made it I served it for a friend's birthday and almost everyone left half of theirs. It was just too much. But they also agreed that it was delish and worth having again.

Individual Peanut Butter Pies

For the crust

16 Oreo cookies
4 T unsalted butter, melted

For the filling

1 cup heavy cream
8 ounces cream cheese
1 cup creamy-style peanut butter
1 cup confectioner's sugar
1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
1 t vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Place the Oreo cookies into the bowl of a food processor and pulse into fine crumbs. In a small bowl, combine cookie crumbs and melted butter and stir.
2. Evenly divide the crumbs between your individual serving dishes and press into the bottoms of the dishes to form a crust layer.
2. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment or in a large bowl with an electric mixer, beat the heavy cream until stiff peaks form. Transfer whipped cream to a small bowl and place it into the refrigerator while you prepare the rest of the filling.
3. Place cream cheese and peanut butter the mixing bowl and beat on medium speed until smooth. Reduce speed to low and gradually add in confectioners' sugar until well combined. Add in sweetened condensed milk and vanilla and beat on medium speed until mixture is creamy and smooth. Take care to scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed.
4. Stir in 1/3 of the whipped cream into the filling mixture. Use a rubber spatula to fold in the remaining whipped cream until well blended until no streaks remain.
3. Evenly pipe or spoon the filling into individual serving dishes. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 3 hours before serving. If desired, garnish with whipped cream and chocolate curls.

And they're pretty, which is always a good thing.

My next recipe will be more appropriate for what we're all starting to think about it (swimsuit season is just around the corner!) but I had to start off big. And nothing is bigger than this. Enjoy! And report back if you try it, ok?

Let The Games Begin

2012-01-01T22:04:00.000-08:00

So it's a new year. I haven't even blogged about Christmas (which was tremendous) and here it is a new stinking year.

I don't mean it like that. Not a stinking year. This poor girl has only been around for a few measly hours and I've already branded her with a bad rep. (I've decided that the year 2012 is a girl, in case your wondering. I don't know why I feel like everything has to be assigned a gender. I just do. And this year was born a bouncing baby girl.)

Anyway, the new year is here and I'm tickled. Two-thousand and eleven was a fine year, really, he was, (yep, he was a boy last year) and I was lucky enough to do some pretty incredible things. Like this. And that. But 2011 also brought hardships and tragedy to so many people around me, people I love and who I watched struggle, really and truly struggle, and for that, well, I'm glad to see him take a hike.

And don't you just love a new year? I know it's just the turn of a calendar page but there really is a freshness and newness that comes round every January 1st. And I sort of love that. We've been deep cleaning and re-organizing and making goals and checking things off our lists and all of it, every little bit of it, feels incredibly good. Now that my kids are older we can do a lot of this goal-setting together and I love watching them make a plan. Set a goal. Figure out a way to get it done. I think we could all use a blank slate in one way or another and this pretty little lady, Ms. 2012, is just the girl to set us off right.

For the past few years, I've participated in the one-word challenge of finding a word to focus on for the year. I love reading what others have chosen and as I've thought about it for the last several days, one word has surfaced again and again and although it's nothing fancy, it's just the thing for me.

My goal for this year (or one of them at least) is to follow this simple counsel and change the way I do things.

In 2012, I plan to pause.

Take note of what's going on around me.

Enjoy the moment that has presented itself.

Put down the mop.

Pick up the book and pull a child onto my lap.

Stop working so hard at preparing for an event that I'm too exhausted to enjoy.

Go to the park more.

Let the dishes stay in the sink.

Forget that multi-tasking was ever invented and just live, in whatever moment I'm having.

I know it's not profound. I know it won't move mountains or alter the universe. But I'm hoping that it will remind me to focus on the truly important stuff. My kids are growing up. I have a middle-schooler! And I might be missing it because I'm too wrapped up in the stuff of our life. The details and decisions and to-do's. And while it's necessary and important in it's own way, it's nothing compared to reading a book with Sienna. Or teaching Hannah how to scramble eggs. Or playing soccer in the backyard with Austin. Or having a conversation with Spence at the table. Those moments are fleeting and I know that if I don't slow down, and pause for just a minute, I'll miss them.

So welcome, 2012. I can feel all the goodness you have in store for my family and I'm already grateful. I can't wait to see what you bring and I'm anxious to pause and take it all in.

2011 word.

2010 word.

Wishing You and Yours

2011-12-23T16:24:00.000-08:00

WIWW, Take 8

2011-12-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

Hooray! School's out today and I couldn't be more excited. We've got a house full of family coming and a whole lot of fun to be had. Today I wanted to me comfortable and colorful. I reached for a few things in the closet that I never wear (read: insanely bright cardi) but I have to say, it's left me feeling festive.

Jeggings: Kohls

Boots, Cardi and Sparkle Tank: Old Navy

Scarf: Made by me

Peony Poppy that you can hardly see: FVL

Boot socks: Abercrombie hand me downs

Merry Christmas friends! I hope you have lots of holiday fun heading your way.

Linking up here.

Not Your Mama's Hot Chocolate

2011-12-16T06:41:00.000-08:00

9 days til Christmas kids! Who's ready?

I'm feeling pretty good about my preparations for the big day and am so excited about what's making it's way under our tree. I know, I know, Christmas has gotten way too commercial blah, blah, blah, but I still love seeing my kid's faces when Santa surprises them. My parents did the most amazing job of making everything special at the holidays and we love creating that for our own kids.

Whether you're busy finishing up your own plans this weekend or staying in and staying warm, make a batch of this amazing hot chocolate. It is rich and hearty and completely delicious. I served some at our Christmas Give Back Monday night paired with these bad boys and it was a hit. I can't wait to mix up some more this weekend!

While you're waiting for your hot chocolate to simmer up to perfection this weekend, do me a favor and stop by my original BFF's blog and wish her a happy birthday. She has a VERY special birthday coming up this weekend (rhymes with FORTY) and it's killing me not to be with her. I'm lucky enough to have known her for 33 of her 40 years and she is the best friend a girl could have. She is hilarious and loyal, kind and compassionate and she knows all my stories and loves me still. She's created the best family for herself and I love her dearly. Happy Birthday dear friend. I heart you.

Merry Christmas friends!

WIWW, Take 7

2011-12-14T07:20:00.000-08:00

This is my outfit from family pictures which my awesome brother-in-law took last week. Having a professional photographer in the family is one of the best things I can think of. Right up there with having a hair stylist and personal trainer. His pictures are amazing and I'm excited about the Christmas cards we've sent out using his beautiful images.

We have a large photo gallery in our living room so the colors in our clothing had to reflect the room's surroundings (you do that too, right?) In trying to get away from using so much red, we went with a more neutral pallet of greens, greys and creams. I heart them. Can't wait to see them hanging in my living room (hint, hint.)

Green Cardi & Boots: Old Navy

Grey Lace Tunic: INC

Skinnies & Boot Socks: Kohls

Belt & Necklace: Target

Bracelet: Macy's

Linking up!

Pretty Please, One More Time

2011-12-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

Well kids, my cup runneth over. I'm so grateful for all the families that braved the cold last night and came and donated to our little family service project. It always amazes me that when my friends give, they give BIG and I just love that. We have so many coats & blankets & food to give away to those in need and it makes me feel so good. I wish I could do it every day.

Check this out.

The best babysitter ever, the amazing Carra, seriously saved my bacon yesterday and while she was here, she told me of a customer that came into the store earlier that day. (She works at a local grocer.) He bought $1000 worth of gift cards to give away to random people that he came across in the next few weeks. How cool is that? Someday, I'm gonna get there and do the same thing but until then, I'll keep relying on the kindness of my friends to make a little difference. Thanks guys, really and truly, it means so much to me.

Now I just need one more thing from you....

My inspiring friend Marilyn is throwing another amazing concert this Saturday and could use our help. Ticket sales have been a little slower than she anticipated and while she is carrying on with her head held high, I know we can help her out. And this is a total win-win for you because you'll get to spend an evening with the enchanting Mindy Gledhill. Her Christmas album is so refreshing and light and we love listening to it at our house. Tickets are more than reasonable so please, PLEASE, grab your honey for a date or take the whole family and fill up on Christmas spirit. I've seen Mindy before and loved every second. Mindy is worth it and so is Marilyn so please spread the word and create a beautiful night for your family.

I promise I'll stop asking you for stuff now but I can't help it when it's important to me or important to my friends. Grab your tickets today and spread the word!

Pretty Please?

2011-12-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

Hey you!

Yes, you.

With the mile long to-do list and the presents to wrap and the dinner to make and the stuff to get done. Don't you wish you didn't have to think about planning a meaningful FHE tonight?

Well, you don't.

And you're welcome.

Come by our house for yummy treats, good friends, and a reminder of what Christmas is all about. I've got a big goal in mind for what I'm hoping to collect tonight and I could use your help.

FOURTH ANNUAL CHRISTMAS GIVE BACK

6:30-8:30

OUR HOUSE

CANNED FOOD & GENTLY WORN WINTER CLOTHES

HAPPILY ACCTEPTED

You know you've always wanted to come and I can tell, this is your year. Come join us and surprise me. I promise I'll be so hapy to see you!

I Love Me A Tradition

2011-12-09T14:26:00.001-08:00

I know it's getting late in the day but I wanted to make sure I sent out this little reminder: This Monday, December 12th will officially be.....

The Fourth Annual Christmas Give Back!

You know the drill.

You and your sweet family bring us either canned goods or gently used winter clothing

which will be donated to those in need.

We give you yummy treats and heartfelt thanks.

6:30-8:30 (or whenever, if that won't work for you)

Our House

We LOVE this little tradition around these parts and would love to see you and your family. My kids marvel at how much stuff we collect (so do I!) and it is a great reminder of what this season is all about. Please spread the word. I'd love to surpass what we collected last year and see many new faces this year. See you Monday!

She Can Do Hard Things

2011-12-06T09:21:00.001-08:00

Saturday was a doozy of a day. One of those days where I found myself bursting with pride for my daughter who has worked extremely hard. I got to watch her revel in all that hard work and feel good about her accomplishments and know, without a doubt, that she can do hard things.

The morning began with a fa-reezing cold 5K run with one of her besties by her side. After completing 12 weeks of training and learning how to be a girl who can, Hannah competed with her fellow Girls on The Run teammates in the Jingle Bell Dash. I was lucky enough to run along side her and watch her go through the process of doing something hard. I know that the lessons she learned on Saturday while running along a cold stretch of the Columbia River will stay with her for a lifetime. I'm so glad I was there to see it.

My favorite part of the whole experience was watching Hannah and Nadia work together to complete the race. Their friendship is rock solid and I loved how committed they were to staying together and finishing side by side. Melanie and I were choked up on more than one occasion as one of the girls would encourage the other. They alternated back and forth and cheered each other on the whole way. I love that they have found that strong of a friendship so early in life. They will serve each other well for years to come and I'm so incredibly thankful for that.

Ready to run!

Melanie & I with our incredible girls

Another fantastic friend to Hannah, Might Meredith & her amazing running buddy Summer

Noni & Hanners, Girls who CAN!

The last picture makes me cry. Cry because I know what it's like to have a friend who has your back no matter what. Cry because I'm so proud of those two and the rest of my team. Cry because I'm in love with the program behind Girls On The Run and am so grateful for the lessons it's taught my daughter.

Thanks Melanie for raising an incredible daughter. Thanks to Hannah for doing something hard. I can't wait until next season.

WIWW, Take 6

2011-11-30T07:16:00.001-08:00

Dress: Target, years ago

Cardi, botos & tank: Old Navy

Belt: Target

My cute little six-year-old came running down the stairs this morning as I was leaving for another day of subbing.

"Mama, we haven't taken your picture yet!"

Her big sister and my usual photog was still fast asleep so I handed Sienna the camera and she snapped away.

It's blurry. And grainy. And out of focus just enough.

And I love it.

Thanks little Squish for being my helper this morning. She was thrilled with herself and the smile on her face sent me out the door in the best possible way.

Linking up!

This Week:

2011-11-29T11:09:00.001-08:00

-We are getting back in the groove after the holiday weekend, which included lots of yummy new recipes that I will post soon

-Welcoming strangers into our home as they direct our kids in the Missoula Children's Theatre production of The Wiz of The West

-Wrapping up Girls on The Run

-Subbing three days in a row

-Having a bladder study (good times!)

-Playing dodgeball (don't ask)

-Providing Spence with lots of milkshakes and oatmeal as he gets his Herbst appliance in on Thursday

-Running the Jingle Bell Dash on Saturday as the culminating event for Girls on The Run

-Racing to the school after that so we can be ready for two performances of the play

-Setting up Christmas

-Finding time to sleep & eat, in that order

We're busy, but we're healthy so it's all good. I'll be back as soon as I've had two minutes to myself.

So Many Thankfuls

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

Well worn sweat pants. Salted Carmel anything.

Running farther than before. Nail polish.

Cute kids. Who are kind. And loving. A husband who loves me.

And shows me everyday. A big, fat curling iron.

Scarves. Homemade & store bought.

Belly laughing. Friends who feel like family.

Family that are my friends. Cold morning air that takes

my breath away. A warm home.

Health. In all things.

Spencer showing his wit.

Hannah relaxing into her beautiful self.

Sienna reading anything & everything, in English and Spanish.

Austin singing along in the van.

Crocheting. Hummus & cucumbers.

The perfect playlist on my ipod.

Knowing that I am loved.

The chance to do better tomorrow.

Trials. And the lessons they bring.

My family. My one & only.

My beautiful life.

Happy Thanksgiving friends.

WIWW5

2011-11-23T06:43:00.001-08:00

My sweet Hannah reminded me late Monday night that we haven't been taking pictures each morning. She is right. So she snapped this right before she crawled into bed which (hopefully) explains why my face is a pasty mess and my hair is, well, like that.

The sweet thing about this outfit is that I was warm all day long which hasn't happened in ages around here. Might have something to do with the turtleneck, tunic, sweater AND scarf combo but it was so comfy and warm. I wore this running around doing all of my Thanksgiving prep and it was perfect.

White fitted turtle: Shade

Maxi dress turned tunic: TJ Maxx

Sweater & Boots: Old Navy

Jeggins and Boot Socks: Kohls

Scarf: Made by me

I'm giving myself permission to rock my sweats today as I prep for tomorrow. Linking up with The Pleated Poppy!

I'm Thankful, Day 1

2011-11-21T14:48:00.001-08:00

This morning I saw a cat get hit by a car.

And I don't even like cats but it was upsetting. The poor little bugger ran straight at the front wheel of a car and didn't stand a chance. And I'd like to say that at least it died instantly so there wasn't any suffering but that didn't happen. The car didn't stop. I'm not even sure they knew that they hit the poor cat. It happened so quick.

I'm still thinking about it.

The last few weeks around here have been hard. Stressful. Anxiety-ridden. Upsetting. And it's okay, because for the most part, we are luckier than most so now it can be our turn for a bit to see what we're made of. We can have our confidence knocked down a few notches to make sure our priorities are straight. We'll be okay and we obviously needed to learn a few things.

I think we're learning. Just a bit slowly.

To be clear, we are fine. There is nothing going on that we can't handle but that doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard. That doesn't mean that I haven't dissolved in tears on say, a daily basis. That doesn't mean that The Rizz and are are saying and doing everything right. Because we're not. We're bickering and nagging and lashing out. We're handling our stress differently and it's taken us a bit to figure out what we need for ourselves and what we can give to each other.

I tend to be a do-er by nature. I tend to jump in and try and fix things and often feel that if I just throw my whole self at a problem, I'll be able to fix it. I don't often slow down and see the whole picture. I start ticking things off the imaginary checklist of problems and see how I can change it. The Rizz tends to relax, to let things work themselves out and see what might come our way. He lets things go and knows better that to stress about things he can't change.

I think I drive him crazy.

I think he drives me crazy.

But as I've been thinking about that dumb cat today, I've realized that neither approach is wrong. My get-in-there-and-fight approach and his relax-and-see-what-happens mentality are just another example of why our marriage works. Why we balance each other out and get through all the good and all the bad, together. These last few weeks have been hard and we've been a bit off kilter but now that we've reminded each other of where we stand and what we need, we'll regain our balance in no time.

I am the cat. I run full steam ahead with everything I have. I don't always take in my surroundings or notice how my actions will affect my well being.

The Rizz is the car. He isn't careless or reckless but he knows that sometimes things happen. And it's more important how we handle what happens than trying to change the fact that they did.

I know it was just a cat. A cat having a bad day and a car that was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but for me, they were the palpable example that I needed to see. The reminder that while bad things happen, it'll be okay in the end. As long as we cling together instead of pushing apart, all will be well.

And for that, I am thankful.

Tapping My Inner Julia

2011-11-17T06:47:00.001-08:00

Life has been a bit stressful around these parts as of late and yesterday it all came to a head. I was thisclose to completely losing it. I went for a run which helped tremendously but I wasn't yet back to my normal self.

Only one thing left to do.

For me, feeling like that means I need to head to the kitchen and get to work.

There is something about being in my kitchen that calms me. I love looking through recipe books, or more recently, searching my Foodie Girl board. I love having a well stocked pantry (something that took me years of marriage to figure out how to do well) and finding everything I need. I love the smells that come and the literal excitement I feel as I watch something come together.

The Rizz says that serving others is my love language or more specifically, that cooking is. If I adore you, I will go to any lengths to show you with a well crafted meal. He likes to joke that I do this for family and friends and that my own family is left eating cereal every night for dinner. Sadly, this has been a titch true around here as I've struggled to keep up with everything on my plate.

Last night I changed all that.

On the menu:

Ham & Cheese Sliders

Four Cheese Mac & Cheese

Salted Carmel Butter Bars

I've talked about the sliders before and really encourage you to try them. My whole house loves them and they are easy and delicious. I whipped up some mac & cheese to pair with the sliders and it turned out mighty tasty if I do say so myself. I'm usually a recipe-follower but as I've gotten more experienced in the kitchen, I've branched out a bit and like creating my own recipes. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Last night it worked. Once I figure out exactly what I did, I'll post it for you to try.

Dessert is what I want to talk about today. Kids, these suckers were amazing. Like melt in your mouth, curl your toes with joy, slammin' good.

It may have been the full pound of butter.

It may have been the entire package of carmels.

It may have been the sea salt that gave it just the right flavor.

Whatever it is, add this to your holiday baking list. Your peeps will love them.

For the Crust:
1 lb salted butter, room temp
1 cup sugar
1½ cups powdered sugar

2 T vanilla
4 cups all purpose flour

For the Filling:
1 bag (14 oz.) caramel candies (about 50 individual caramels), unwrapped
1/3 cup milk or cream
½ t vanilla

1 T coarse sea salt

Preheat to 325F

Spray a 9×13 inch baking pan lightly with non-stick cooking spray

To make the crust:

-In a large bowl, combine the butter and sugars

-Using mixer on medium speed, beat together until creamy

-Add the vanilla and beat until combined

-Sift the flour into the butter mixture and beat on low speed until a smooth soft dough forms

-Press one-third of the dough evenly into the pan to form a bottom crust

-Bake until firm and the edges are a pale golden brown approx 20 minutes

-Transfer pan to a wire rack and let cool about 15 minutes

While the bottom crust is baking and the remaining dough is chilling, make the caramel filling. Place the unwrapped caramels in a microwave-safe bowl. Add the cream. Microwave on high for 1 minute. Remove from the microwave and stir until smooth. If caramels are not completely melted, microwave on high for 30-second intervals, stirring after each interval, until smooth.

Pour the caramel filling over the crust. If you are going to salt the caramel sprinkle it on caramel layer now.

Remove the remaining chilled dough from the refrigerator and crumble it evenly over the caramel.

Return the pan to the oven and bake until the filling is bubbly and the crumbled shortbread topping is firm and lightly golden, about 25 – 30 minutes.

Let cool before cutting into squares.

Seriously kidss, you have to try these guys. You will love them, your family will love them, and they'll make that cereal you plan on serving tonight seem so much better!

Oh The Places You'll Go

2011-11-14T12:38:00.001-08:00

It is no secret that The Rizz and I live our lives on the move. From here to there and everywhere in between, we are always traveling someplace. We have been known to swing by our house in the summertime only to wash clothes, reload the car, and head out again in one day's time.

We sort of love it. Our kids sort of love it. It's just how we do things.

Case in point:

In the last two weeks, I've been:

From home to Portland and back.

From home to Spokane and back.

From home to Seattle and back (in one day and only 36 hours after getting home from Spokane!)

and finally, from home to Couer d'Alene and back.

We've also had house guests on two different occasions during this time.

Crazy much?

Even for us, that's a bit insane. But it was all completely necessary and I can't see how we would have done it any differently.

In Portland, The Rizz and I recharged with some dear friends and had some much needed married time.

In Spokane, my get-in-there-and-fight friend Tracy and I attended the Relay For Life Summit and I'm squirming with ideas on how to build our event and continue the fight against cancer. It came at a perfect time and although we spent a good portion of the weekend crying, we came away uplifted and renewed in our fight. Want to join me?

In Seattle, I made my Hannah's birthday dream come true with a day all about her. The American Girl store is crazy expensive, a long ways away, and completely ridiculous but if you have a daughter, you have to do it. It was magical. We will remember it for years to come.

In Couer d'Alene, we helped some of our favorite people move into their new home. A home that has been a long time coming and one that is perfect for their family.

While I've loved every second of the last two weeks, I have to say that even I, with my love of all things travel, am a bit warn out and am super excited to have a quiet weekend coming up. This time of year finds me yearning for the comfort of my home, the smells, sounds and memories that we make here. I'm ready for early evenings cozied up on the couch and late mornings curled up in bed.

Sadly, that will probably only last a week or two and then I'll be itching to hit the road again. But for now, I'm loving being at home.

WIWW 5

2011-11-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

Wednesday already?

Sheesh, I need to be better about having the camera with me. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how to take pictures of myself in the mirror so that they turn out. Maybe if I had a better camera...hint, hint, Santa.

This week was a fun one. I tried to be less inhibited in what I threw on and in turn, felt pretty good most days. The challenge of mixing patterns, textures and colors has made me re-think my wardrobe and I'm digging it. I've even vowed to stay out of the stores this month...more re-working what I've already got and less buying something new.

Can you hear that?

It's my husband celebrating.

Hannah and me, ready to tackle the American Girl Store for her birthday. Isn't her smile infectious?

ME:

Boots, Maxi Dress turned Tunic & Scarf: TJ Maxx

Leggings: WalMart

Cardi: Old Navy

Earrings: Forever 21

HANNAH:

Tunic & Sparkly Socks: The Children's Place

Sweater: Hand-me-down Abercrombie (score!)

Jeggings & Boots: WalMarrt

9

2011-11-07T22:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Hannah,

Today is your ninth birthday.

Well, it was your ninth birthday. It's quite late now and we've had a busy day of celebrating but I couldn't let the sun go down on this day without your birthday letter.

You are nine, sweet girl. And at nine you are compassionate, kind, and loving. You are silly and fashionable and sweet. You are shy, serious and strong. You are all of the things you've been working to be and it makes my heart swell.

At nine, you are finding your way.

At nine you are capable. You work hard. You love to cook and pretend and be helpful. You are loyal.

At nine you are becoming a voracious reader. A runner. A girl who knows how to tend to those around her.

At nine, you show love to your brothers and sister. You know that your example is powerful. At nine you are sassy. Full of life. And tender.

Nine is right where I want you to be. My eldest daughter, whose beauty and smile blows me away. Nine, where you said yesterday as you stood in church on your own for the very first time, that you know you are loved by your Heavenly Father. And by your family.

And you were right.

Nine, where the world lies before you just waiting to see all the things that you'll do and the places you'll go.

I am proud.

I am in love.

I am transformed.

By you, my daughter at nine.

Happy Birthday Munners.

Love,
Mama

WIWW 4=FAIL

2011-11-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

I have no pictures this week. Hannah and I didn't get our act together (read: I didn't get my act together) and so I have nothing to show for the week. Lame, I know. But I'm happy to report that I did try some new things this week and for the most part felt good.

It was a rough week around these parts as our community collectively watched a friend pass away. After a four year battle with breast cancer, which she fought valiantly and courageously, she passed on. She was wife to the love of her life. She was Mama to three sweet little souls. It was heartbreaking and uplifting all at the same time. I didn't know her extremely well but I learned volumes from her example. I find myself thinking of her family most of the day. They are strong and true and brave. I hope the lessons I've learned over the past few weeks stay with me.

I also threw a bit of a Halloween party for 400 of my closet friends. Lindsay and I were asked to coordinate our ward's Trunk or Treat and we decided to go with gusto. A pasta bar with homemade Alfredo or marinara sauce, meatballs, grilled chicken, Cesar salad, and rolls. We started with 400 plates. We had 7 left over. It was exhausting but a ton of fun. I'm just hoping they have someone else in mind for Christmas...

Because the week was exhausting, the Rizz and I ran away to Portland for the weekend. We talked these guys into joining us and our spontaneous get away was just what the doctor ordered. Good food, good friends, and a good night's sleep. I highly recommend it.

I'm off to tend to Spence who is home sick for the second day. We're cozying up with The Sandlot and lots of Wassail. Happy Wednesday to you.

WIWW, Take 3

2011-10-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

I'm running out the door for an early morning school conference followed by grocery shopping for 300+ tomorrow night that I'm co-chairing. Should be an interesting day! Today's outfit had to be comfy and easy, so here it is:

Cardi: Forever 21
Jeans: Gia
Striped shirt: Target

Linking up with Pleated Poppy!

Lunch Is Served

2011-10-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

Kids, I have a weekend assignment for you.

Are you ready?

It involves food. Specifically this:

I promise you will thank me. I made these a few weeks back when one of our favorite families was visiting. As part of my Pinterest challenge to actually make what I'm so busy pinning, I chose this one for it's ease and likability. We found it to be comforting, savory, and exactly what we wanted.

I am a big believer in making a recipe for the first time as it is written. I feel like I can never know whether or not I truly like something if I don't make it true to form. However, the original recipe calls for the one food that I despise above all others-Miracle Whip. I'm sorry, I just can't do it so I only used mayonnaise. I also substituted Havarti cheese for the Swiss because, well, Havarti rocks. I know, I totally contridicted myself on this one and jacked this recipe to my own liking but I promise you that my version was amazing, as I'm sure the original recipe is.

If you like that sick-nast stuff Miracle Whip.

Ahem.

Anyway, here you go. Easy, inexpensive and delicious. My children loved it which means it's going into heavy rotation around these parts. Curl up with these bad boys and settle in to read a book this weekend. Sounds like fall to me.

Ham and Cheese Sliders

24 good white dinner rolls

24 pieces good honey ham
24 small slices Swiss cheese
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1/3 cup miracle whip

Poppy seed sauce
1 T poppyseeds
1 1/2 T yellow mustard
1 stick butter, melted
1 T minced onion
1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce

In a small bowl, mix together mayonnaise and miracle whip. Spread onto both sides of the center of each roll. Place a slice of ham and a slice of Swiss inside of each roll. Close rolls and place them into a large baking dish or heavy cookie sheet. Place very close together.

In a medium bowl, whisk together all of the poppy seed sauce ingredients. Pour evenly over all of the sandwiches. Let sit 10 minutes or until butter sets slightly. Cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes or until cheese is melted. Uncover and cook for 2 additional minutes. Serve warm.

** sandwiches can be assembled a day ahead and kept in the fridge ready to bake

WIWW 2

2011-10-19T09:20:00.001-07:00

I was hoping this week would be easier....not so much. My inner dialogue has been revved up in the negative and I'm working overtime to quiet it back down. Till then, here you go.

Cardi: Old Navy
Ruffle shirt & Jeggings: Kohls
Flats: Target
Scarf: WalMart
Flower: made by me, inspired by her

Hannah and I tried inside but the lighting obviously stinks. Still working out the kinks. I thought I would have oodles of outfits this week but that didn't happen either. Next week, I'm all in! Pop on over and see what everyone else is up to.

The Mother Of All Debates

2011-10-18T13:29:00.001-07:00

I took my littlest pumpkin on a field trip to the patch this morning. There is something about this kid's face that makes it almost impossible for me to do anything other than smooch him all day long.

See what I mean?

And I'm so glad that I went. I was sort of on the fence about going because I had a sub job lined up today and was feeling the need to contribute to the family's resources by working. It was a good job in a good school and would have made for a nice, easy day but when I brought it up to The Rizz, he told me to cancel it right away. What's the point of being a stay-at-home mom if I miss the important stuff because I'm too busy working?

I saw this on Pinterest the other day and it's had me thinking.

via

I have friends who work outside the home and do it beautifully. Friends who stay up late and get up early and are engaged in their children in the most amazing ways. Friends who I'm sure feel the burdens that come with being a "working mom." And I have friends who stay home. Friends who can stay in their jammies longer and are there for every tear, every laugh and everything in between. Friends who feel the need to justify their time when someone asks "and what do you do?"

I've heard the arguments for both choices. How working moms have it easier because they get a break and have a place to be intellectually stimulated. How stay-at-home moms have it easier because they don't have any pressure from a workplace. Here's what I think: there is no easier. There is no harder. When you're a mother, either in the home or out, your entire focus, all day long, is taken up by your children. Your amazing and brilliant and gorgeous children. There is no "break" from parenting. There is no easier road. Being a mother means that your whole being is committed to those little people for your whole life. You will never stop worrying. You will never stop loving. You will never stop being fully aware of their every want and need. We're mothers. And we work awfully darn hard. End of story.

I stay at home to tend sick kids. To be there when they get home from school. To send them out the door each morning with a hug and a kiss. To do the chores of the house while they are away so that when they are home, I can be more present with them. To snuggle my last little one at home in the middle of the day while watching Dora. I'm home to be with my kids.

And to go to the pumpkin patch.

It's what works for our family. But if it didn't, I'd be working my hiney off elsewhere. I'd be doing everything I could at my job so that when I was home, I was nothing but mom. And I'd be doing it with my head held high.

Just like my friends.

I So Want To Call This What I Weigh Wednesday....

2011-10-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

Oh man this is a funny process.

I laid out some ground rules for myself, as in Hannah can only take two pictures of me and I have to use one of them or else I know we'd be out there for an hour, with me making her shoot and shoot and shoot while I tweak my hair, fuss with my clothes, etc.

I also decided that I shouldn't Picnik the heck out of them and just leave them as is. I know myself well enough to know that I would suddenly become a Photoshop expert all in the name of lightening this part, shaving down that part, etc. This vanity thing runs to my core but I'm determined to fix it.

It's my kryptonite I tell ya!

KRYPTONITE!!!

So, here goes. I've only got two pictures because I decided to make myself do this on Sunday when I was already in my sweats, and yesterday I was called in to sub at the very last minute and raced out the door. But at least it's something.

Red Tunic & Belt: Target
Jeggings: Kohls
Cardi & Boots: Old Navy

Dress, Scarf & Boots that you can't see: TJ Maxx
Jacket: Nordstrom Rack
Empty pots and dirty porch: Me

Hannah and I will work on our picture taking but I think she's doing mighty fine at almost 9-years-old. Thanks for bearing with me through Operation Fix Karen's Brain. Believe it or not, I am already aware of what all this work is doing for me and I couldn't be happier.

Pop over here for more of WIWW.

The Twelve Year Project, Part V

2011-10-10T20:44:00.001-07:00

So.

This is kind of a funny post to follow up my foodie girl post but timing has never been really been my thing. Just roll with it.

I'm in the middle of something new and to be frank, it's kind of freaking me out but I'm plugging through. Stepping out of my comfort zone and all that. And it's a funny sort of process and one that causes my anxiety level to soar upwards, but I'm managing. Barely.

Some backstory:

Remember when I made this decision? And lots of people thought it was great and some people thought it was horrible but I was okay with all of it because for the first time in ages, I felt fantastic. Like-doing-a-jig-in-your-living-room-without-any-music-playing-fantastic. And every morning when I got dressed, I marveled at the way clothes fit me. And when I stepped into the shower each morning, I had to do a double take at the body I was seeing. People commented on my appearance just about every place I went which, while being incredibly flattering, stroked my vain, vain ego.

And then the comments stopped. Everyone I knew had seen the "new" me and so the comments stopped. As they should have. But instead of seeing it for what it actually was, my uuber ego kicked in and my insecurities took over.

Maybe I didn't look good anymore?

Maybe everyone secretly thought it was a mistake?

Maybe I was getting fat again and no one knew what to say?

So.

My frustrations (and severely needy ego) decided to show everyone what was up. By eating again. And not working out. And gaining a little weight.

And then a little more.

And then.

Well, you know.

And here's what I've learned:

People really don't give a flying leap about what size my pants are. Or what number appears when I step on the scale. People don't care if my pants are buttoned all the way up or if I have back fat. People don't care if I eat yogurt and nuts every morning or if I thrown down a bag of chips.

People don't care.

AND THEY SHOULDN'T!

Do you hear the choral angels singing or is it just me?

I should be embarrassed about just how vain I am, how my mind tells my body over and over and over again how ugly it is. How fat is it. How unattractive it is. But I know that I had to go through all of this to get to where I am now. So I accept my super charged vain-y ego. I accept that I have been beating myself up for years with all the negative garbage swirling in my head. I accept what I've gained, and then lost, and then gained a bit again.

To be fair, I've gained 14 pounds. Not 114 pounds, not 44 pounds, but 14 from where I was at my lowest post baby weight. This is not a crisis. This isn't really even newsworthy but it's taught me so much. And so I'm sharing it here.

See, while I've been talking a good talk, I wasn't really walking the walk. Yes, surgery was absolutely the right decision for me and I will defend it to my grave. And yes, hearing people say that you look nice is a lovely thing. But it's not the only thing and for far too long, I put all of my stock on what people said about my appearance.

How embarrassing is that?

The good news? I've figured it out. I've discovered what my triggers are and what makes me spin into a cycle of negative self talk. I've worked hard to change my inner dialogue and park the negative at the door. I've stopped fishing for compliments and learned to give them to myself.

It occurred to me one day that if I took all the energy I used into hating the way I looked and channeled it into loving myself, I could do myself a world of good. And if I could actually change the way I felt about myself, I could be the role model to my girls (and boys) that I've always wanted to be. Because all that crud that I carried around? All that storming around in the closet when things didn't look right? All those words I uttered? They heard it. They saw it. And I was creating in them the negative monsters I was so desperately trying to rid myself of. I think if I could save my girls from one particular heartache, it would probably be this.

Here's the funny part: since I've been retraining my brain and making a HUGE effort to chill myself out, the scale has been going down. Little by little, those pesky 14 are heading out and it's been a huge testament to me that what we think determines what we see. If you tell yourself you can't, you won't.

But if you tell yourself you can, well, watch the farg out!

So, back to the out-of-my-comfort zone process: I've been taking pictures of myself. And I'm going to post them each Wednesday along with this gal. I'm doing it not so much to document what I've been wearing, although I dig that part, but because I need to get out of my head on this whole body image thing and accept myself. I need to stop hiding behind the camera and refusing to have my picture taken. I need for my kids to see that I'm proud of myself and that I can appreciate how able my body is. I need to break this cycle of self loathing and be accountable and comfortable with how I look.

I know, I know, the haters are going to scream that this is merely a cry for more ego stroking and frankly, they can think that. I have come to understand that changing my mind is an active process and that to do it right, I have to do the things that terrify me the most.

This is one of those things.

I'm hoping I remember to turn comments off on Wednesdays because I really don't want all 12 of you to tell me how pretty I am. The old me, yes, she would have begged for that, but this, this is for me. This is just another step in ridding myself of the beast called self-loathing. Because this body, with it's scars and sags and strength and power deserves so much better. This mind deserves to be freed up for more productive things. This girl deserves to be proud of herself.

And I'm working on it.

Foodie Girl Takes Over The PRP

2011-10-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all, or have seen the size of my thighs, then you know that I love food. The planning of it, the making of it and of course, the eating of it. I love the smells that come from a kitchen. I love planning a menu, tweaking it until it's just right. I love knowing that I made something that others enjoy.

The Rizz says that cooking is my love language. I guess technically "service" would be my love language but if you're important to me at all, I will most likely show you by making you something delicious to eat. And while I've loved cooking for years and years and years and have learned all the basics from my mama who is quite the cook herself, my recipes have staled a bit and I've found myself making the same things over and over.

Enter Pinterest.

I know, I know, I can hear The Rizz sighing now as his love for Pinterest does not run nearly as deep as mine, (or at all) but he has been the recipient of some mighty fine fares as of late. I've been a pinning fool and am filling up my "Foodie Girl" board with all kinds of deliciousness. And because I love cooking so much, I've decided to add a regular feature to this little blog where I will rate and review my latest recipe finds.

This is good news for my family and all 7 of you readers.

Not such good news for my thighs.

But here goes anyway.

1. Bacon Mac & Cheese with Gruyere
2. Gorgonzola French Bread
3. Brownie Oreo Cookie
4. Ham & Cheese Sliders

You're drooling a little bit, aren't you?

With the exception of the mac & cheese, I have made the above and will review them soon but today I wanted to start with breakfast. I am not really a breakfast girl myself. I can pass up eggs and bacon, pancakes and oatmeal without giving it a second thought. Most mornings, I would rather eat last night's leftovers than deal with breakfast foods but if there is one thing that makes me swoon in the morning, it's this:

I am fully convinced that Eggs Benedict is the food of the Gods and that Hollandaise sauce is the nectar of all that's good in the world. It is usually our Father's/Mother's Day breakfast and my kids love it as much as The Rizz and I. So when I stumbled upon this little gem of a recipe, I realized that my perfectly perfect food may have just gotten better. It is a basic Eggs Benedict recipe with a twist or two; namely, the addition of bacon and avocado. I could do an entire post on the merits of bacon and avocado and probably will at some point, but for now, let's focus on the recipe.

It. Was. Awesome.

The addition of the avocado was genius. It's rich flavor was a wonderful addition to an already stellar recipe and I loved the swirl of flavors. And the bacon? Well, that crispy deliciousness was divine. I loved the salted crunch of the bacon mixed in with everything else.

As for the chipotle Hollandaise, I struggled with finding a specific ingredient and so relied on my stand-by recipe for Hollandaise. It was fantastic but as a spice lover, I'm anxious to try the kicked up version.

To be fair, this isn't a standard breakfast by any means but if you're looking for a sure-fire hit, give this a try. We loved it.

To find the recipe in full, click here.

To peruse the recipes on my Food Board, Foodie Girl, click here.

To see what else I'm loving, click here.

Bon Apetit!

Life Lessons, Courtesy of Costco

2011-09-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

Last week I found myself getting bogged down in the details of life. I'm subbing more than usual and long days away from home coupled with soccer practice, piano lessons, Girls On The Run, scouts and all the things that make our life our life left me feeling short tempered and wishful.

Wishful for a time when things would slow down.

Wishful for kids who still needed me, but maybe just a little less.

Wishful for a house that would clean itself, food that would show up on the dinner table and a bank account that would magically replenish whenever we needed it to.

And then I found myself at Costco, moving quickly and trying to make the most of my time. As I walked past the food court, my eyes found exactly what I needed to see.

Two little old ladies.

Sharing a slice of pizza.

Their faces etched with the lines of living. Wrinkled and spotted.

Tremendous smiles upon their faces.

One little lady reached out to the other and straightened her wig.

And they laughed and laughed and laughed.

And I knew by looking at them that they had lived very good lives. Lives full of laughter and sacrifice, memories and people. Houses that needed cleaning. Food that needed preparing. People that needed loving.

And even though I knew their lives had been happy ones, I also knew that they would have happily traded places with me. To find themselves young again, with details to look after. Children to tend and errands to run. To have the whole of their lives spread out ahead of them, just waiting to see what would come their way.

I walked away from those two little old ladies, a smile on my face and a perspective in my heart.

How lucky am I to be busy.

To have work to do.

A home to clean.

Meals to prepare.

People to love.

How lucky am I to have decisions to make and the time to get it right. I'm not often a perfect parent. I don't always say the right things or do the right things but I have time. Time to improve and do better. Do more. Love better. Be who I'm supposed to be.

How lucky am I.