Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I Don't Need You People-I'm Great Just As I Am (and other lies we tell ourselves)

A few weeks ago when my sister-in-law, Tiffany, was here, she showed me how to install a StatCounter on my blog so that I could track things like how many hits a day I was getting, where those hits where coming from, etc. Had I known then that this handy little device would soon send me into an emotional freefall, I would have reconsidered.

It turns out that absolutely all of my self-worth as a human being is tied up in the StatCounter. It doesn't matter if I keep a clean house or make a nice meal, or make it through the day without turning to hard alcohol. Oh no, all that matters to me is the number at the end of the day on the counter.

In the beginning, it was exhilarating to watch the counter tick along. I would check back frequently throughout the day and get a little rush knowing that someone out there in Nebraska and Kansas (two of my larger markets) where getting a kick out of my crazy life. Soon I went international and had hits coming in regularly from the United Kingdom and Slovenia. I felt like the Queen of All Blogging and in return, I tried my darndest to come up with fun and witty ways of telling my stories. A few days later, my counter leaped unexpectedly and I seemed to be reaching the masses at an alarming rate. This continued for several days and each day as I sat down at the computer, I dusted off my tiara and went to work.

Then the counter plunged. Dropped. Sunk to numbers I hadn't seen since the counter was first installed. What was happening I wondered? Was I not funny anymore? Was my second attack on the library too much? Did I push them over the edge with my boy band reference? I racked my brain trying to figure out what I had done wrong, why my British neighbors didn't find me celver anymore. I couldn't sleep, I felt restless, trying to come up with a plan to restore my audience. I felt shaken to my core because no matter what else I've been in my life (fat, unemployed, borderline crazy) I've always been funny. Or at least so I thought.

Because of all my StatCounter turmoil, I purposely didn't post anything yesterday. Maybe the constant posting has become tiresome and I need to space things out.

So here I go again. I'm going to try as hard as I can, ignoring the StatCounter and doing my best, telling stories that I think are funny and not really caring what you all think. (That's a total LIE.) I'm going to try and attach my self-worth to something else, say my home decorating skills or my diligence to vacuuming and see where that takes me. Hopefully you'll come along for the ride. If not, rest assured that the tiara is over on the shelf where it belongs.

10 comments:

Heather said...

OK... one day of plummeting. I think you are still in the clear. Maybe they all happened to be on vacation this week.

Puerto Rican Princess said...

It wasn't one day....it's been several!!!!

But thanks for the cheery outlook.

Kim said...

I have the same ... I hate to say sickness ... desire is a better word... to see how many people are reading my blogs as well! How do you install the stat counter? You can rest assured knowing your blog is on my favorites so I can check it faster. Your wit kills me! I love reading about your life!!

Lindsay said...

Okay, you must keep blogging. Reading everyone's blogs is the first thing that I do when I get on the computer. Your blogs are hilarious!

Tharker said...

I'm so glad you're willing to admit how much you really need us! J/K, I think you and I both know how many times I frequent the PRP page. Maybe that's why your stat went down I wasn't checking in so often. I've got to get a hobby. But until then, you are not allowed to bag it, cuz your blog is truly one of the highlights of my day.

emahaf said...

I loved your blog, my blog never gets that many hits.

tharker said...

Well Eden, maybe if you gave out your blog address to other people than family, we could all check yours out too! :)

Kel said...

Both Connor and I check your blog page on a regular basis. It puts a big grin on my face and I often find myself laughing out loud. Don't you worry about those Brits, they have a weird sense of humor anyway. Keep writing, you have a true gift! Mr. Longfellow would be proud. (did you ever have him at Hazen?)

Eileen said...

FYI- I'm the one who taught Tiff how to use Statcounter (and introduced her to the world of blogging), so technically I am responsible for all of your turmoil. My apologies. :) I'll pass the link around to my work buddies, so you'll get way more hits from New York to make it up to you!

Parenting Diva said...

Karen -

Perhaps did you forget to install the statcounter code when you changed your format? Just wondering.