In my ranking of condiments, mustard is far superior to the rest. Mayo is fatty and white, which is weird because food should never be white, and who wants to eat something that looks like diaper rash ointment? Ketchup is just weird. I mean really, ketcup? It tastes nothing like a tomato and is loaded with sugar. I never put in on hamburgers and when people watch me build a burger, they give me the same look as when I jokingly say that I used to work at Hooters. A nice mix between utter shock and disgust with a small serving of "she might be serious so I'd better watch it."
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
And They Were All Yellow
I've always been a mustard girl.
(I've never worked at Hooters.)
I've lived a happy life with mustard. She has been good to me, providing me with just enough ummph to liven up my sandwich or make my hamburger taste superb and all with the benefit of ZERO calories. I know that most people have a very strong reaction to my favorite condiment, either loving it or hating it, and I've never really understood that. To me, mustard is just a little glob of yellow love.
Unfortunately, mustard has been replaced.
Several months ago I started making falafel regularly for dinner and we all love it. I love the texture, the smells, the flavor, the whole ball of middle Eastern goodness. Anyone who eats falafel on a regular basis knows that the appropriate accoutrement for it is tahini which I have tried. Tahini and I got along fine but it wasn't love at first sight like with me and my little yellow friend. Then one day I tried HUMMUS.
(Did you hear that? The sound of the clouds parting and the angels singing from on high?)
Oh sweet hummus, where have you been all my life? You have changed my world and I now feel condimentally complete. You enhance every food your put with and bring joy to my tastebuds. You make me anxious for lunch, just knowing that you and a cucumber is all I need. I will happily spread you on a tortilla or pair you with tomato slices just knowing that what awaits me is an explosion of flavor and love. I don't know how I lived the first 31 years of my life without you by my side, but you were worth waiting for.
If you've had a nagging feeling for some time that your life is missing something but you just couldn't put your finger on it, I strongly urge you to try hummus. She may just answer your prayers and provide you with the same love and sandwich security that she has brought me.
To my dear friend mustard, not to worry. We'll still be together from time to time. I can't imagine potato salad without you. Don't feel bad about being replaced. We've had a good run.
On The Mind Of The PRP