Tuesday, April 17, 2007

To My Squish,


What to say to my littlest girl who loves me more than her binky or blankie? More than "pood" (food) or her "hwing" (swing?) You have been so much fun to watch grow and while I have made numerous references to your lack of speech, your vocabulary is in fact developing nicely. Your favorite things right now are Sesame Street (namely Elmo or "Melmo" as you call him,) your swing in the backyard, and your brother and sister. While I find all of this very endearing and I love you actually more than you love me, there are a few things I think we should go over.



First of all, although I love being your-very-favorite-thing-ever-in-the-history-of-all-mankind, I do in fact, sometimes, require a wee bit o' privacy. For example, when I am in the shower, I would appreciate you not holding open the curtain so that the entire bathroom gets cleaned with Dove body wash. While the room always smells nice when we're done, the constantly wet bathroom rug is starting to smell and permanently stick to the linoleum.



Secondly, when we find ourselves in a store, your only job is to sit quietly in the cart while I do the shopping. I know this is not your favorite activity but I feel the need to address it for two reasons: A) I'm beginning to her the Cops theme song in my head whenever we go into a store thanks to all the lovely items you've swiped recently, including but not limited to a pack of disposable razors, a mini bottle of Purell, and 37 packs of gum. I'm not sure where you hide these items when we check out but the stockpile you've been gathering in your carseat is alarming. Please. STOP STEALING. B) Your resistance to being in lockdown is typical I realize, but the accompanying screams are getting to be a bit much. I know there is a pack of wild dogs in Northern Africa who can hear you but can't actually see you and that's just mean. Really. ENOUGH WITH THE YELLING.



Also, when you happen to find me standing still, this, believe it or not, is not an invitation for you to see if you can scale Mt. Mommy. Whether I'm curling my hair or washing dishes, your efforts at pushing me out of the way and dragging me by my pants leg is NOT GOING TO WORK.



Finally, if you happen to stumble upon me, in the, ahem, bathroom, kindly shut the door and walk away. DO NOT, under any circumstances, take this as an opportunity to come sit on my lap for reading time. Seriously.





Love,
Mama

10 comments:

Shayla said...

And the gorgeous picture at the end of your post proves what we all know, that if they weren't that darn cute all the above-mentioned "fun-ness" of being a Mommy would never be tolerated as much as it is. Seriously, too funny Karen! Thanks for the laugh.

Alicia said...

Karen, that may have been the funniest post of yours I have read! I laughed out loud (and that's rare for me when reading) at the stealing. So funny.

Kelly said...

Okay...are those not the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen?! What a cutie pie. Loved this blog today...it's fun to get a play by play of Sienna and her quirks. I feel like I've learned alot about her. Wish I could see you all more!!

Tharker said...

This was a fabulous ode to Squish! I didn't know she had taken to stealing, how fun for you! I love that picture, she is so freakin beautiful!

Heather said...

I laughed. I love your humor!

EVERY time Brynnlee tries to get between me and the counter by pushing my legs (which is a 1000 times a day) I think of you doing the exact same thing.

I'm glad these girls are exactly the same, except for the clepto thing.

Marilyn said...

Karen, you are so funny. I love this post. That little girl of yours is BEE-U-TI-FUL!

I wonder if our children would enjoy it if we came and stared at them as they did their business in the bathroom. I have a hunch mine wouldn't love it.

Melissa said...

lol - it's funny because it's true! And not just in your home... it's a good thing these kids are cute!

Kim said...

This was too cute! It must be the age. I loved that you wrote it in a letter to her. Cracked me up! She is a beautiful little girl! Don't you wonder how little girl versions of our husbands can be so adorable?

metamorphose said...

Oh those blue eyes. What a beautiful face.

Brojonel said...

Amen.