Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My Second Attempt At All Things Serious

I started a post this morning before I went on carpool duty that went something like this:

My-kids-are-wild-and-crazy-and-I-have-no-control-and-no-one-ever-listens-to-me-and-I'm-the last-person-on-the-planet-who-should-be-having-another-baby-because-I-clearly-stink-at- parenting.

As I did the Sandifur loop on drop-off patrol, I decided that wasn't very nice and I needed a dose of perspective. The behavior displayed last night at the Scout dinner can't entirely be their fault which means, drum roll please, it's partially mine.



WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?




I think I'm a relatively smart person. Not AP Chemistry smart, or world economic smart, but people smart. I have always thought of that as my strong suit. And I'm a TRAINED TEACHER for Pete's sake. With experience. I hold a degree in Early Childhood Education. So why am I such a moron when it comes to my own children?

These are the questions that woke me at up 1 a.m. last night and prevented me from returning to sleep. I tossed and turned (well, more like rolled and heaved) wondering where I've gone wrong and what I need to do to be a better mom. I tried to think of solutions logically and clearly and not get caught up in the emotions I was feeling. But then the crazy-raging-hormone emotions kicked in and I literally contemplated getting up and building myself my very own padded room. For awhile I had thoughts of my getting some terminal disease and leaving my children orphans, which is really fun at 3 a.m. Once I talked myself down from that ledge, I had visions of losing Sienna at the "Let's Party" store while picking out birthday stuff for Spence. I was finally pushed over the ledge after heaving my rotund body over and breathing a little too loudly which had Brad responding "what are you doing? Breathing like that?"

So I started bawling.

In his exhaustion, he did try to comfort me with a "is something really going on or is this just hormones and stuff?" Unfortunately, he was back asleep before I could reply.

At this point in my super fun night, Sienna came in crying that her throat hurt accompanied with a 103 degree temperature. Worry for her pushed aside any further crazy thoughts but here's my question: is this really just hormones and such or am I in fact losing my mind?

I hate feeling out of control. I hate thinking that my children spend their afternoons waiting for dad to come home because mom is such a grouch. But most of all, I hate not knowing how to do things differently. Any thoughts? I'll be working on my padded room while I wait to hear back from you.

21 comments:

Nicole said...

Oh honey, you totally could have called me. I was even up. I am so sorry you had a bad night! But, really, that's all it was. You ARE a fabulous mom. You have amazing kids! They love you and respect you - REALLY! Is there anything specific that's bothering you? Or is it just kids being crazy? Do you think it could possibly be from all the sickies you've had lately?

In our family, when one (or all) of us are feeling out of whack, a good restart button is just time alone with Mom or Dad. It is amazing what that one simple thing will do for our kids.

But, honestly, K, didn't you feel even a little bit better after sitting in front of me and all my craziness on Sunday?

Sorry - I am a little long winded today;)

Hope you have a better day! And, my kids are always asking for whichever parent is not standing right in front of them. What is up with that!

Kris said...

Karen, your kids were great last night at the Scout Banquet. There were so many kids running around like crazy, and yours were always sitting by you! Mine were crazy, loud and obnoxious. You are such a good mom. I think it must be hormones, cuz girl, you've got it together. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. If you makes you feel any better, I had a melt down last night too! I hope it gets better soon!

Heather said...

Karen it's the hormones AND the fact that everyone has been cooped up and barfing. You are a great mom, (read some of your archives superwoman) and then come over so we can watch Hairspray, preferrably in your most comfy and ugly outfit.

Sarah said...

I think every mom can relate to the feeling like we want to run away and hide for a few days. You're human, it's ok to feel overwhelmed once in a while and take a step back. Personally, I don't think it's normal for children to sit perfectly still and silent for long periods of time. It's just in their nature to be wiggly and want to be loud, so don't feel like a bad mom if you feel they're disruptive becaue we've all been there. Give yourself a pat on the back for all you've accomplished. You have great kids who are happy and healthy and a mom who loves them very much. I hope you are having a good day.

Sarah said...

Oh, and I was just writing down your recipes and wondered how much flour goes into the breadsticks? Do you use regular flour or the better for bread flour? Sorry I'm a pest.

Cindy said...

When I think of great moms,I think of you. Believe it or not, you have incredible respect and patience for your children. You have always been a great example to me of a kind, loving, and fun mom.

Hang in there. Spring is on its way and with that, you can kick those beautiful children of yours out into your tremendous backyard. I'm sure they are itching to expend some energy and you could use a bit of time off.

Of course, until then, you can send them to my house. It is about time I even the score. I can't even count the number of times you have come to my rescue and it is about time for me to do some much needed catching up. Call me, I'll be there.

Love,
Cindy (the anti-blogger)

Lindsay said...

Wow, it's hard to follow up after some of these other great comments, but I just want you to know that this is clearly a case of hormones talking. You are an excellent mom with a great mixture of love, patience, discipline, and fun. I know this because you've created such great kids and one amazing family for yourself. Being a mom can be really trying sometimes, but you are a class act.

Nan said...

PRP- you are a super mom, your kids will appreciate that you are the funniest mom on the planet- maybe not now but later when they get older. Those hormones are so crazy- i hate that about pregnancy!

Sara said...

Your a super mom don't worry, it's just the pregnancy!
Sara Spencer

Ms. Kristen said...

I look up to you....all knowing parent/teacher....wonderful, intelligent, funny, glamorous, and just down-to-earth woman! As you have read above...you are everthing we want to be! I am the crazy hormone queen! I understand how you are feeling! You don't want to loose too many zzzzzz over things! Your children are so cute and well behaved when they are away from their mother! Just remember that! You have taught them well! Focus on the point that they are strong willed/defiant children....which will enable them ti be a healthy adult! You want them to be strong and determined!
You are allowed to cry for awhile and know it will get better!
Hang in there!

Marilyn said...

Everyone already gave super duper comments, so I just want to say I think you are AWESOME!

Shayla said...

Karen, it's a little scary how EXACTLY the same our nights went last night. Right down to the waking of the hubby, to the bawling my eyes out, to the snore of said hubby before I could finish my rants, to the erratic, irrational thoughts about myself and my children. I ended up sitting on my computer and staring at blogs until I could calm myself down and go to sleep. If it's any consolation to you, I know my issues are hormonal since it's that time of the month for me, I would be guessing that's where your thoughts are coming from too. Considering your hormones are even crazier than mine right about now. :-) Every time I'm around you I'm amazed at your fun and optimistic attitude about life. Hang in there.

Kelly said...

Hormones suck. Being a mom is the hardest job out there and it's only natural to have those crazy thoughts from time to time. But I can guarantee you that you are BY FAR one of the very best mommies on this planet and are doing a stupendous job every day!! Just take a deep breath, take 10 min. to yourself alone in your room, take a bath, or whatever gets you a little break from the kiddos just to set yourself back on track.
That always helped me when I felt like I needed a padded room. We've all been there!!
I love ya!!

::DANDEE:: said...

Does your padded room have occupancy for 2?

What's left to say other than we all love you. You're so, so great and your children are lucky to have you!

Jan said...

Karen it is the hormones. They have a way of zapping every positive thought process when they are in full bloom. This is the first question when I get to Heaven (I can hope), "Whats up with the hormones"? I call them Her-moans. Your a great mom and inspire many. Just don't be so hard on yourself. We all do the best we can and your kids are happy.

debsters said...

By the time I am reading this I bet you are already feeling better about things because, Time heals all. Whenever I'm in the "depths of despair" (a quote from my favorite hero) I always think "tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it." (another quote)I know this is cheesy, but it's true.

Tharker said...

Apparently, when you're stuck heaving over a toilet, you miss out on one of your dearest friend's time of need. I'm so sorry.

And now because I'm your friend, I'm going to tell it to ya straight up yo. You be the rock star when it comes to parenting, yo! Okay, I can't even try to talk like Jared, so I'm giving up. Seriously, you are a wonderful mother. It says something to me of how great you are that when I announce to my kids that we are going to your house, they always say, "Karen's house?" Not Spencer's, Not Hannah's, but KAREN'S! They know how fantastic you are.

And YES, a big fat yes to the question. It IS your hormones. Oh yeah, make that padded room a little bigger, cuz I wanna come too!

Brooklet said...

Amen to everything said. Have you met your kids? They are incredible, much thanks to your parenting. You are AWESOME!

Jessica said...

I so want in on the padded room, I have had enough of whinny sick kids!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for posting this so I know I'm not the only one that has moments like that!

Melissa said...

I think we all have moments like this... no, I'm not just saying that. 2 weeks ago I had gotten after the kids over and over to do a task and finally I broke down. I didn't scream or yell... no, what I did was worse. I cried. I walked into their room, burst into tears and said, "Why can't you do what I ask?" They all cried and cried as they picked up the magnetix. Sigh...
I'm pretty sure that you are an awesome mom. Sometimes we just have to remember that our kids are individuals that get to make choices... and sometimes those choices will make us feel like terrible parents. But, they need to learn from those choices.
I'm sorry... HUGS!!!