Thursday, April 10, 2008

Is Ashton Filming This?

Do you think when the doctor advised me to "be down as much as possible," he meant abstaining from activities like yard work? Are pulling weeds and planting shrubs considered to be being up activities? Because I was totally sitting down as I worked in the yard over the last two days but I am having a wee bit of pain. You know, throbbing, aching, hurts to put any pressure on your entire leg for fear your hip and pelvis will break open into a million pieces pain? And swelling? Down there? Is that normal?

I'm just wondering.

To salvage my aching body, I set up the girls to watch a movie and the boys to play a little XBOX (Spence has a friend over for a sleepover) and drew myself a nice, hot bath. Nightly baths are part of my daily life now as they really help to ease the soreness that has crept in throughout the day and this one promised to be perfect. Perfect water temperature? Check. Bubbles aplenty thanks to the new bottle of bubble bath graciously gifted to me for my birthday? Check. Book I'm completely engrossed in? Check. Sienna vomiting into the bath water as I soaked in it? Check.

I mean, come on.

As I'm turning the page of the lovely Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Sienna walks in with THE LOOK. THE LOOK that says I'm about to vomit. With force. THE LOOK that says stop whatever you're doing and kindly catch my puke with your bare hands. THE LOOK that I see all too frequently in my life. As I try to turn her towards the toilet, she heaves forward and well, heaves forward. Into my bath. All over my monster belly which is too large to be covered by the bubbles. But whatever.

Realizing that she would never make it to the toilet, I threw my book down on the side of the tub and grabbed the nearest towel to catch her dinner in. And her lunch. And apparently her breakfast. And maybe even last night's bedtime snack. So now I am literally holding a towel full of puke while trying to heave my giganto body out of the tub without dropping said towel. Or fall on the floor since I'm soaking wet. Or faint dead away at the sight of my naked body running towards the toilet.

After cleaning up Sienna, myself, and the towel from hell, I put her in bed and calm myself with the thought that although I won't get to enjoy my book in the bath, I can still put everyone to bed and curl up for a night of reading. That is, until I head back into the bathroom to find my book floating in the bath water, drenched to the hilt, amongst the bubbles and chunks of Cheeto remains.

I'm very sad. And very sore. And very much in need of a nice, hot, bubble bath.

22 comments:

Ro's Lumpy Breast said...

I am so sorry that doesn't sound like a very nice and peaceful bath. There is always tomorrow right. All you need is a new book, sore pelvis, bubbles, perfect temp of water and kids that are in bed or entertained.

Tharker said...

My first thought was "Could it get any worse?" and immediately I told myself NO! I am so sorry. That just sucks.

hatch said...

That is terrible. So much for a nice peaceful bath.
I just got back from Target where I saw that book and I almost bought it. Now I wish I would have because I would have brought it right over to you. You are in definately in need of some relaxation.

debsters said...

Oh no!!!!Rinse out that tub and get right back in. I'm a HUGE believer in the power of a hot bath. I hope she's feeling better soon and that the bubbles do the trick for you.

Sara said...

Oh nice sounds like a really fun night. Please explain why your kids seem to puke at any given moment? What is with that?

Jan said...

Sorry that you had your bubble bursted. Poor thing. Carolyn, the one that sent the Aero bar, she just met Liz. She went to see her in Vancouver and she loved her.
Liz is asked the question "should I divorce my husband" I guess alot.
She has rethought about sending the wrong message on that topic. Good book. Take Care of yourself in the warm bath. Sorry about the puke.

Lindsay said...

Ugh! Sorry about the crap day. I think the book floating in the water would have been the final straw for me...like put me in a straitjacket or I will go nutzo.

Kris said...

This is horrible. I totally understand the puking. Porter did that for 5 days last week. Not in my hot bath, though. That is horrible. The way you write is priceless. I hope nobody else gets sick,that you get to read your dry book, and enjoy a hot bath soon!

Marilyn said...

Oh my word. That sounds like a scene from a really hilarious movie. I am so very sorry though, that it was indeed real life. Your life. So sorry.

Heather said...

EWWW. So sorry!

Sarah said...

Not the book! That's just too much for one person to take. Hope you can recreate that perfect moment again, puke-free.

Connor said...

I had to explain to my co-workers why I'd laughed myself to the point of tears. I hope you're proud of yourself for reducing me to this state, and that you don't mind this as a topic of discussion here at the investment firm...

PRP said...

My second comment from Connor!!! I feel so privileged. Feel free to discuss my crazy life with your coworkers anytime you want!

Kelly said...

Before you go looking for a straight jacket...you should re-read your previous post. Its times like these you need to focus on the good.

That is just so gross and unbelievably funny at the same time! You should definately submit that experience to "In The Motherhood" on MSN... You would win for sure!

polka dots said...

Karen- I have the book. Call me and you can borrow it!

Megan said...

I was laughing so hard at this post. Picturing you, but also me, as I have caught puke in my bare hands before. But alas, never while naked and in the tub--takes the cake!
Thanks for making me laugh and hope that in time, this will make you laugh too:)

Ms. Kristen said...

OHHHHHH! Crap! Or did you say something else? I am impressed you grabbed the towel!
Is she doing her normal throw-up thing or does she have the flu?
Poor thing....I mean you! Sienna feels alot better now!
Send the girls over to my house and you can have a hot bath!
SERIOUS! I am calling you tomorrow! Sienna would love to come play at Ms. Kristens'

Brooklet said...

Brilliantly written! I loved it! YOu make suffering and misery and book abuse so wonderful!

Michele said...

I'm with Heather, EWW! BUT-What are you thinking doing yard work?! Do you want your cervix sewed shut? Because having to keep that baby in when all you want is it to be out will really make your day/week/month/year! My eat pray love is missing the cover and the first three pages. We should frame them and title them, "MOTHERHOOD". love you

emahaf said...

I just want to cry for you, there is nothing like having something you have looked forward to all day go up in flames/vomit. keep trying to take it easy.

Movie Queen said...

Oh boy. That seriously is worthy of some parenting magazine submission. I've never been vomited on (knock on wood) and I'm not sure I could find any humor in that...at all. So, props to you!

Heather said...

That is disgusting, and sad about your bath I love baths. Sometimes I am grateful I am not a mom. I took a quiz because I love quizes and I will be ready to be one in 7 years. And after reading this, I think they are right.