Sunday, April 19, 2009

Lessons

As I ushered Austin through the halls of church this morning, I was stopped again and again by concerned friends inquiring about my little man and the status of his bum.

"When you said he was having a mole removed, I pictured something the size of a quarter! That thing was huge!"

Yes, yes it was which is part of why the poor bugger had to come off.

Someone else asked me why I put such a picture of the adorable Austin bum out there for all the world to see which caused me to think. For posterity, I guess. So that one day when he's in the shower scrubbing down his nether regions and stumbles across giganto scar, he'll know what it's from. For me to remember the exact look of my babe for the first 10 months of his life. Because I can, and I did, as I often do.

More and more, I find myself crafting my words here solely for my kids to enjoy (or roll their eyes at or be grossly embarrassed at, etc) later in their lives. I want them to know who I was when they were little as I'm not yet sure who I'll be when they're older. I want them to know that on a daily basis, amidst all my struggles, funny stories, frustrating times and the like that I was a mother who loved them fully and completely. And that I was madly in love with their dad. And that the life we created here was good.

I also want them to know that among my utter devotion to them, I am a Mama who has dreams of her own, things to pursue, thoughts to develop, places to see and that I loved myself enough to carve out a piece of time just for me. That's usually what I do here, ramble on about that which matters to me most. True, it's usually about my kids or my husband but I am learning that I am just as important as anyone else and that my life needs to be added to the list.

I changed things around a bit on my sidebar to serve as little reminders to myself of who I am, what I want and what I have. I hope to view it daily and be reminded of the stuff of my life that's important to me. Because the journey that I'm on is fascinating and I'm thoroughly enjoying the ride but as I was reminded last night after stumbling on one of my favorite movies "I ought to be the leading lady of my own life."

How easy it is to get caught in the motion and forget what all this hard work is about. To slow down, to be present, to make time for me. That's what I'm aiming to do. Big hairy mole and all.

16 comments:

Amy said...

I'm glad you make things so true to life! I'm glad you let us in on what goes on in your world. I think you are truly an amazing person!

lindsay>boo said...

You took the words right out of my mouth.I think blogs are a great opportunity for us to have our own journals that we can look back on later in life and see exactly who we were and what we were doing. Keep doing what you're doing. And quite frankly, I love that you are totally and completely you on the blog because if you weren't, it wouldn't be as interesting.

Mimi said...

Your blog is now one of my favorite stops because it is pure. By that I mean it is a reflection of your life not a movie-version, and I appreciate that. The picture of Austin is beautiful because it is pure. My children love seeing what I put on my blog because it helps us keep those memories, even the scary ones or the sad ones. You are giving a gift to your children, the gift of knowing who they are and how they became that person.

tharker said...

I love your blog because it is simply YOU. And I love you!

I love the new sidebar!

Michele said...

I am slightly annoyed that people feel the need to question your blog. It is YOUR blog and YOUR life! If we worried all of the time about what other people thought about us, we would be them and not us. Keep it up girl! I agree that that mole was nothing to hide. You should post the wound!!!

Andre said...

I just think you are awesome. You write your feeings so well. Often when I read your blog I think, "Yes! That's how I feel! I just can't say it so well."

AOlson said...

I personally thought that picture was absolutely adorable!! I love how raw and you your blog si and I think this is our way of journaling exactly like you said, for posterity and our childrens embarassment;)

debsters said...

YOu say it perfectly, I admire that.

Heather said...

I love your posts, and the kids will too someday.

Sarah said...

I like what you said about recording things for your children to read later on in life. They will see that you had your own interests and talents on top of taking care of your family. I wish my own mother would have kept more accounts of her life while I was little.

Nancie said...

i appreciate your post about his bum. it also made me realize what medical blessings we have access to. Especially cuz im gonna have one soon.. thank you!

Nancie said...

Love me an epidural.

Kris said...

Karen, I'm so glad that Austin is doing so well recovering from surgery. It was really cute watching Brad snuggle him during Sacrament yesterday. This post was perfect.

stylist to the stars said...

You are great mom and show us with everything that you post.

Kelly said...

Keep it up girl! Your blog is a little retreat for me to visit and be reconnected with YOU. It is YOU through and through...that is what I LOVE about it.

I like your sidebar, it is a reminder to me of what is important in life...you consistently inspire me.

Julie said...

I'm glad that all went well. I hope you got my message the other day. I kinda feel dumb now, but no one knew what you were having done but I am glad it wasn't as serious as I thought it might of been!