Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Blooming Where I'm Planted

A word about zucchini.

Why is it that the zucchini plant is the most prolific of all the garden plants? That one zucchini plant will produce enough zucchini to feed a small African nation (say Gambia) while the plants that produce foods my family actually wants to eat, like the lone raspberry bush, yields about nine, albeit very tasty, raspberries per day.

Something is wrong here.

And the zucchini plant, in my humble opinion, is also the snootiest of all plants, overtaking the entire garden plot with its big! bushy! leaves! shouting out to the other, less dominant plants that it is king and is here to stay.

"I will grow the fastest!" it shouts.

"I will make the most food!" it mocks.

"I will overtake you all with my lush green superiority!" it laughs.

Yeah, I hate that sucker.

My freezer is currently stocked with 16 zucchini breads. I have cut and frozen 8 2 cup baggies of sliced zucchini. I have shredded enough zucchini to last me until the ends of time. And I still have 3 large zucchini sitting on my counter top as we speak.

I should just let the zucchini plant win. I should hang my head in shame and say "you win! I can't use all that you have to offer!" But there's something about that menacing plant that goads me into standing at it's roots, garden gloves in hand, and say in my most intimidating voice, "BRING. IT. ON" That I will not only use every ounce of what it gives me, but that I will enjoy it, that I will turn my family into zucchini loving fools, that I will create masterful recipes that will be enjoyed the world over. That stupid thing may take over the garden, but it will not bring me down. I will win! I will be superior! I will look into beneficial pharmaceuticals to help me with my delusions!

In the meantime, I will head back to the kitchen to chop, slice, shred and bake. And I will mumble about that farging plant and seek solace in my nine raspberries.

Zucchini anyone?


Kelly said...

I remember the endless zuchhini we had growing up... I've been afraid to plant even just one plant for that reason. And I LOVE zucchini.
Your mom gave me a loaf she made at your house and we gobbled it up in no time flat, it was delish! You show that plant who's boss!!

Sarah said...

Karen, I was just laughing as I read this. I'm right there with you. The only way my family will eat it is in bread and that gets old pretty fast. Maybe I'll slice some up and freeze it as well for those dinners when I'm cooking just for me! Good luck with your never ending abundance of the big green beast!

tharker said...

I just loved reading this post purely to see your zucchini's monologue. It was great!

lindsay>boo said...

So funny because that's the same thing happening over here. I have zucchini the size of baseball bats.

You know said...

Oh Karen, you are so funny. I love the way you write. Who would have thought that zucchini could talk? But you make zucchini come alive.

Stacia said...

I feel the same way! I don't want to waste what I grow in the garden.

I ordered a book off of Amazon used books, 101 things to do with Zucchini. Kelly hates zucchini so I have had to come up with different ways to disguise it. You can also puree it and add it to just about any dish. I got that idea from Deceptively Delicious cookbook.

You will win!

Amy said...

In the backyard of our house, we have a common northwest problem. Blackberries. They would take over everything if I did not tackle them weekly. Because of that I did container gardening this year, until we can figure out how to permanently rid our lives of the everpresent blackberry. But I had heard that you could plant zucchini anywhere, so I chose a strip of ground that seemed relatively safe from blackberries and waited for my hearty harvest. Well, I forgot to tell my children when weeding the back hill, to not "weed" the zucchini. My zucchini plants never had a chance. So I'm jealous of your massive quantities of shredded zucchini and breads. I've heard you can fedex food. Just a thought. :)

Amy said...

LOL... I didn't plant any zucchini this year, and I would be happy to accept donations. Next year you will have to remind me to give you raspberries!

Anonymous said...

Zucchini Casserole! Hamburger, Cream of Whatever Soup, Sweet Onion, Rice, sliced Zucchini and Velveeta Cheese.... Enjoy!

Knotaklu said...

Karen, you should have asked me before planting. Never plant zucchini!!! Your kids will grow up hating the stuff because they get so much. I enjoyed the comment from Amy. That was no accident. Kids learn to destroy them before Mom can get to them. Why is it that moms plant them and then wonder what they are going to do with all of it? Solution: Don't plant zucchini. Your friends who haven't figured it out will be more than happy to give you some each year. You will have just enough. Your kids may actually like it. They will thank you later. By the way, I marvel at how you can take such a simple thing in life and make is so interesting.

Lisa said...

I think a zucchini giveaway is in order...