Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Just In Time For Summer

Last night I had a breakdown of sorts.

One of those mothering moments where you feel the weight of your role and wondering if you're getting any of it right.

We returned home from a weekend in Boise. A weekend that meant my kids were running around with cousins and I barely saw them. I love how connected they are to their cousins but I often find myself missing my kids, because there isn't much time for mom and dad when there are cousins to play with. I realize it's not much of a problem to have, kids who love their family that much, but I was anxious to return home and get back to being us.

Fast forward to us pulling in the driveway and rattling off the list of things that needed to be done: car unpacked, laundry in laundry room, suitcases unloaded, showers and baths for all, etc. They started off well enough, with the usual brief complaints from the girls but we made it to bath time without incident. And then something happened, something involved one choking another one and one hitting in retaliation and I lost it.

Lost. It.

Because I don't hit. I don't choke and yell and scream and splash soap in other people's eyes. I don't do any of that.

But apparently my girls do.

I tried explaining it to Brad later as he tried to talk me through it. Brad teaches high school chemistry and does an amazing job at it. He has plaques and certificates and how-you-changed-my-life letters from kids all over his room. He excels at his job and the evidence is everywhere.

On the other hand, my full time job is the raising of our children. The teaching and molding and encouraging them to be the best they can be. But last night my failures became blindingly clear. There are things I'm not doing well and it piled up on me last night and I lost my cool.

Don't worry. I know I'm a good mom. Most of the time. And I know that my children are good people who will grow up to be even better people. And last nights episode led to a great discussion between Brad and I as we figured some things out for our family. We need to focus here and tweak there to ensure that we're doing everything we can to create a family unit that is indestructible and make sure our little people know what's expected. There are too many forces outside our home that are targeting our family; we don't need to have it happening inside the home as well.

I couldn't see it last night but I'm thankful for the fight that took place. I'm grateful that something pulled me out of my routine and made me look at things clearer. We're going to be alright, all of us, and now I have a little better idea of how to get us there.


Mimi said...

After reading this I felt a giant 'let go'...if that makes sense. That feeling of 'I have been there and thankful for it but really don't want to go back'. You guys are one of my favorite families, and that is because of the parenting you do. :) Not only will you find the learning in all of this and will make sure your sweet kids do too.

Sara said...

I hear you it is the moments when everything comes crashing down that I find some really amazing insight into the person I am and how I can change to better those around me.

tharker said...

I'm sorry about the doozy of a fight between the girls. Oh, how I have been there. It sucks. And you're right, nothing makes me feel like more of a failure than when my kids behave this way.

But, I love that you are using this as an opportunity to teach your kids and to grow as a family. THIS is why you are amazing parents. And THIS is why your children will grow up to be amazing, kind and loving people.

Sarah said...

I say if your kids only act like that every once in a great while you are doing pretty darn good! My kids are horrible to each other, and you're right -- it is such a frustrating feeling as a parent. It is hard to think we are doing a good job, but I keep telling myself they will grow out of it and love each other someday. Ha!