Monday, November 21, 2011

I'm Thankful, Day 1

This morning I saw a cat get hit by a car.  

And I don't even like cats but it was upsetting.  The poor little bugger ran straight at the front wheel of a car and didn't stand a chance.  And I'd like to say that at least it died instantly so there wasn't any suffering but that didn't happen.  The car didn't stop.  I'm not even sure they knew that they hit the poor cat.  It happened so quick.

I'm still thinking about it.  

The last few weeks around here have been hard.  Stressful.  Anxiety-ridden.  Upsetting.  And it's okay, because for the most part, we are luckier than most so now it can be our turn for a bit to see what we're made of.  We can have our confidence knocked down a few notches to make sure our priorities are straight.  We'll be okay and we obviously needed to learn a few things.  

I think we're learning.  Just a bit slowly. 

To be clear, we are fine.  There is nothing going on that we can't handle but that doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard.  That doesn't mean that I haven't dissolved in tears on say, a daily basis.  That doesn't mean that The Rizz and are are saying and doing everything right.  Because we're not.  We're bickering and nagging and lashing out.  We're handling our stress differently and it's taken us a bit to figure out what we need for ourselves and what we can give to each other.  

I tend to be a do-er by nature.  I tend to jump in and try and fix things and often feel that if I just throw my whole self at a problem, I'll be able to fix it.  I don't often slow down and see the whole picture.  I  start ticking things off the imaginary checklist of problems and see how I can change it.   The Rizz tends to relax, to let things work themselves out and see what might come our way.  He lets things go and knows better that to stress about things he can't change. 

I think I drive him crazy.  

I think he drives me crazy.  

But as I've been thinking about that dumb cat today, I've realized that neither approach is wrong.  My get-in-there-and-fight approach and his relax-and-see-what-happens mentality are just another example of why our marriage works.  Why we balance each other out and get through all the good and all the bad, together. These last few weeks have been hard and we've been a bit off kilter but now that we've reminded each other of where we stand and what we need, we'll regain our balance in no time. 

I am the cat.  I run full steam ahead with everything I have.  I don't always take in my surroundings or notice how my actions will affect my well being. 

The Rizz is the car.  He isn't careless or reckless but he knows that sometimes things happen.  And it's more important how we handle what happens than trying to change the fact that they did. 

I know it was just a cat.  A cat having a bad day and a car that was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but for me, they were the palpable example that I needed to see. The reminder that while bad things happen, it'll be okay in the end.  As long as we cling together instead of pushing apart, all will be well. 

And for that, I am thankful. 


Tracy said...

Glad you are hanging in there and that you have found some perspective. Love ya both!

Heather said...

Oh man, I think you need a carmel apple cider.... call me up. I owe you.

Mimi said...

You were great together before but you will be better and stronger together after.

Poor kitty:(