I woke up sometime during the 5 o'clock hour this morning.
I rolled over and put my hand on The Rizz. I do that most mornings, a way of grounding myself for the day ahead. He stirred slightly and went back to sleep.
I started making the list of my day. The list of things to do, things to remember, things to get done. I waited for that familiar feeling to come, the thumping of my heart, the doubt, the will-I-get-it-all-done feelings that used to visit all too frequently.
But I just laid there, feeling calm, smiling even.
I think it has to do with this whole being thirty-seven business.
We have two extra sweet peas staying with us this week which brings the under 12 set up to six at our house. This should freak me out. This should cause the planner/OCD/controller in me to freak the freak out. But I'm not. I'm totally calm. And sort of loving it.
Two extra sweet girlies who have settled in around the chaos that is our life and feel like they belong there. Two extra sets of hugs and kisses each morning and night. Two extra pairs of hands helping to clear the dishes away or pack lunches. Two extra little bodies that find their way onto my lap or the Rizz's. And my personal favorite, the one that made a lump appear in my throat, two extra sets of "I love you's" before bed last night.
This should overwhelm me. The sheer volume of people and requests and questions and needs should totally overwhelm me and it is, but not in the way I expected. I'm overwhelmed at how good it feels to be tending to my own sweet children and these two extra. How my heart has made a spot for everyone and how natural it feels for me to love on kids, regardless of who they belong to. How seeing The Rizz curl up with whoever needs curling up warms my heart. How having my mom swoop in from the other side of the state to lend a hand fills me with the deepest sense of love and appreciation.
If I'm perfectly honest, I was a bit worried about this week. How my to-dos would fit in with everyone else's and how we'd get it all done. But now that it's here, I'm loving every second.