Monday, November 06, 2006

The Endometrium Diaries

Ah, the vaginal ultrasound. As all-American as fourth of July BBQs, homemade jam and small town parades. What a lovely way to spend an afternoon.

The procedure itself wasn't all that bad although I was a little unnerved by the giant wand of terror that looked like it was sporting an extra large condom filled with jelly but that's just me. I was actually surprised at how easy and painless it was. (And by painless I mean the physical kind. Toes up to the sky while continuing to bleed is horribly undignified and emotionally very painful.) Then comes the really fun part...dun, dun, dun...THE RESULTS.

In walks Dr. Turner, whom I still adore despite his penchant for ordering me to have non-fun procedure after procedure.

"The good news about gynecological problems" he begins "is that it keeps us gynecologists busy. Think of all the mayhem we could be causing if all the uteruses of the world were normal." I'm guessing that this is his way of calming my fears but it's not working.

"Here's the thing: your ultrasound is basically normal except that your endometrium is incredibly thick and we're not sure why. Your ovaries look great but that pesky endometrium is causing me some concern."

Stupid, pesky endometrium I think to myself.

"We can proceed in one of two ways. First we can do a blahblibiblah which is a similar procedure to what you had today although we'll insert a catheter hooked to a small camera, fill your uterus with saline and look around."

"How do you get the saline back out?" I ask. "Stick a pin in my stomach and watch it squirt?"

"Karen, I am trying to offer you sound medical advice and you keep making me laugh! I'm not going to look at you anymore because I can't keep a straight face." He literally shields his face from mine and proceeds, making us both laugh harder.

"The second option is more invasive than the first, known as a blahblidddyblahbliddyblah, and requires you to be put under general anesthesia, which I would actually appreciate because then you would be quiet." He lowers his hands and smiles. "We go in with a scope, biopsy your endometrium, and do a complete D&C so that we can clear everything out and make sure that there's isn't anything left to cause you to bleed." Lovely.

We talk about my options and initally decide to go with the second procedure because there's a good chance that they would find something during the first one which would cause me to have the second one anyway. Then we change our minds and decide to go with the first one since it's less invasive and still helpful in determining the problem. So that's what awaits me and my superthick endometrium. More time in the stirrups, more wands of terror and more hemorrhaging. Bring it on.


Nicole said...

Wow Karen, you had WAY more fun at your procedure than I have ever had at one of those! Seriously, I really hope they figure out what is going on. Enough with the hemorraging already! Hang in there.

Heather said...

I'm glad they are starting to figure out what is going on. Next time I can go with you for some moral support, and to hear the stand up routine you and Dr. Turner have obviously been practicing.

Kim said...

Sounds like I need to start seeing Dr. Turner! If you two can laugh at all things gynecological, he's the one for me! Hope all is well!

Anonymous said...

UHHH... What's an en-do-me-trium?


Tharker said...

Well good luck with the blahbidiblahblibidyblahblah procedure. And try not to make him laugh during it, or who knows what will happen!!!

emahaf said...

Good luck Karen. Other then the embarrising aspect of it, the US is not that bad. Let me know if I can help out in any way. I can watch the kids or whatever you need me to do, just call.

Kelly said...

Icky. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but at least your Dr. had a good sense of humor. I hope everything gets sorted out and that you are feeling like your old self soon!!