Thursday, January 11, 2007

If Only I Were Jamaican, I Would Have Beaded It

Last weekend Brad and I spent most of our time at Home Depot since the store is closing and everything was 40-60% off. We were able to get some great deals on things for the new house which was awesome but it meant dealing with tons and tons of people. Brad and I are pretty good in mobs of people and we were doing just fine. Since we had some time to kill in the checkout line, I ran to the back of the store to go to the bathroom.

As I stood at the sink washing my hands, I audibly gasped at my reflection in the mirror. I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't looking my best but that's not what actually bothered me. The sight I saw was far beyond my poor choice in clothing. There, perched along my upper lip, were the darkest, longest, grossest black hairs you have ever seen. It looked like a catepillar had taken up residence on my face and I wanted to die.

I've always known I was a hairy girl. I'm Portugese for goodness sakes (not Puerto Rican.) It comes with the territory. But I've always thought I had a pretty good handle on it. I WAS SO WRONG.

I literally shielded my face as I made my way up to the front of the store as waves of panic hit me. Suddenly, I was THAT GIRL. You know THAT GIRL, the one in high school that everyone spoke about in hushed tones because she resembled a wholly mammoth and no one wanted to tell her. That was me. Mammoth face, out in flourescent lighting everywhere, for the past 31 years looking like Chewbaca's lost little sister.

Thankfully, Megan was watching our kids and when we got to her house, I told her to immediately plug in her wax because we had some serious work to do. She thankfully agreed to help my fur face and we got to work.

You wouldn't think that something like waxing would normally be all that funny, but I think what ensued may have been the hardest Megan and I have ever laughed in our lives. She started with my brows, routinely making comments like "wow, I've never seen so much dark hair before," and "we'll have to go over everything twice because there's just SO MUCH HAIR." While completely mortified, I still found it funny and we laughed and laughed. When she got to my upper lip, she commented on my whiskers (oh no she di'nt!) and I think she had to do the whole thing two or three times. Horrifying, but well worth it.

So here I am now, walking around fuzz free and feeling a whole lot better about myself. As I've thought over the last few days about my previously hairy self, one thought has returned to me time and time again: HOW COME NONE OF YOU EVER TOLD ME?????? This is the kind of thing a girl has got to know. It's not like I had a booger in my nose which is still embarrassing but easily taken care of (btw, thanks for the heads up the other day Heather.) We have got to stick together on this stuff ladies. Seriously. What's funny now is that all of you smooth faced girls are just heading into your follicularly challenged years and when you all start growing a 'stach, my lips will be sealed. For at least 31 years....

11 comments:

Kim said...

I am so glad I'm not the only one walking around like Captain Jack! But the problem is, I've got no Portuguese in me! Waxing doesn't even work on me. I'm a plucker. Gotta love those stray black hairs!

Puerto Rican Princess said...

The sad thing is, it wasn't a few stray hairs. They were all lined up in rows, standing at attention for all the world to see.

Alicia said...

Karen, I can honestly say I have never noticed. And if it makes you feel better, I have one rogue whisker that repeatedly grows out of one pore on my chin no matter how many times I pull that sucker out. Bill is totally repulsed by the fact that his wife has a whisker.

Tharker said...

I have never once noticed any hair on your face. I had a friend in high school that literally had sideburns and a mustache. It was bad! So I'm glad you're feeling better about your fur and all, and rest assured that now that I am aware of the situation, I'll let you know if it gets out of hand again!

emahaf said...

I think the darker the hair the worse it is. Until caleb was born I used to have to wax my upper lip all the time. Has it gone away No!!! I just have not had time to care as much, although I did look in the mirror the other day and wondered if it was only me or did my side burns resemble some type of beard.

Lindsay said...

Karen, your crackin' me up. I feel your pain because, yes...I, too, have a 'stach of my very own. I had a consultation awhile ago to get electrolysis done and then never followed through on getting it removed. I guess I just got busy. You've inspired me to finally get it done though---then I can be furless and Jared can stop making Chewbacca noises!

Anonymous said...

OOOPS! Did I fail to mention your "upper lip issue" that I randomly noticed like um a year ago...Sheesh, sorry 'bout that one! Being brutelly honest is not my strong point.

Tharker said...

Love the name "Sunshine Raye"! Or can we just call you "Sunshine"?!

Anonymous said...

Melissa Kobelski actually gave me that nickname in Jr. High. It even stuck with a few people all through RHS. It's supposed to be like a "ray of sunshine" because Raye is my middle name but if you want to drop it, help yourself. I've answered to much much worse :)

ps I need to tell you about KT, I keep forgetting.

Tharker said...

Good ol Mel Kobel!

Anonymous said...

I've never noticed your 'stache before, trust me. Come on, I'm willing to help you get the bats out of cave, I would have told you about the hairs if I had noticed.