Monday, April 05, 2010

My Monster

Last night, after a most delicious meal of Chicken Costelleta, asparagus, homemade breadsticks, deviled eggs, the most yummy salad of all time and garlic mashed potatoes, I found myself standing in front of the fridge. My house was quiet with even my sweet husband slumbering away, and I found myself itching for just one more bite of dinner. Because that dinner? With it's yummy sauces and smooth richness of absolute divinity, was literally haunting me.

The only thing holding me back was that fact that I. was. stuffed. from the first time I ate it.

But still.

I stood, door open, picking up the container of chicken and sauce and setting it back down again for a full five minutes before I finally got my wits about me and shut the door.

To distract myself, I plopped in front of the computer to run through my routine...start with MSNBC so I can be slightly educated about what's going on in the world, switch to email and see what people have to say, check in with google reader, wander through blogland and finish with Facebook. (Am I the only one who does that?) I didn't make it very far however because a certain email caught my eye. My friend Amy, who I haven't seen in 10+ years but whom I've loved reconnecting with through our blogs, contacted me awhile ago and asked if I'd be a contributor to a new blog endeavor she was launching. She wanted to create a safe place for women (and men!) to go to share their feelings about accepting who we are and loving what we have regardless of the number on the scale. She wanted a place to document her progress and be held accountable. And she wanted to create a network of people stepping up to support other people, whatever their journey may be. I loved the idea and immediately agreed to hop on board. After all, I had just lost myself a significant amount of weight. I had just had major surgery to deal with what happens after you lose a significant amount of weight. I had finally nipped this issue in the bud and was making the choices that would guarantee me health and happiness.

Except when there's leftovers in the fridge.

I thought of the irony of receiving her email at the exact moment I was struggling with the monsters I thought I had permanently put to bed. Because even though I am happy where I am and feel confident for the first time IN A DECADE, I still have choices to make. I still have to make myself do the right thing for the health of my body every single day. I still have to be completely aware of what I'm doing or I know I'll be just a few bites away from being where I was.

The funny thing? I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being tested and challenged because I KNOW I can do it. I may slip up from time to time but ultimately, I KNOW I will choose health over leftovers. I KNOW I will choose exercise over more sleep. I KNOW I can do hard things. And I am. Every single day.

Want to join Amy and me? Check in here. Whether you're trying to lose, maintain, or gain, we want to hear from you.


GS said...

A different vice but the same challenge. At 6 p.m. last night, I was overfed and lethargic. No energy or motivation whatsoever. At 6:30, I forced, and I mean forced, myself to don warm clothes and go for a walk. I returned wide awake and energized. We are not stupid. Why is doing the right thing so difficult? They say you must do something 23 times to create a habit. I'm working on it.

tharker said...

What time should I come over for lunch? heehee ;)

Tam~n~Fam said...

I know this monster all to well my friend. I really need to ______ with him soon. Not sure what, that's as far as I've got. I think realizing I'm a total food addict was hard, but accepting that I'll have a lifetime of those hard choices is where I'm stuck at the moment. It just doesn't sound fun at all, and I want fun darnit! :D Loved the pics of you all on Badger by the way, so glad you got out and about! Yay!!

Sara said...

What an awesome experience to remind us all about the hard things that we have to do to keep healthy and to feel in control. Thanks!