Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Reason Behind All Of This

Yeseterday was a rough day at the high school.
Not because the kids weren't good; they were great. I'm sort of going to miss this randy group of freshman since we've spent 7 days together here in the trenches. They're a good group of kids, for the most part, and they've made me not fear my own kids going to high school as much. And they've been sweet to me, partially because I'm married to one of the favorite teachers here at PHS, partially because my brother-in-law is also here and completely loved by the students, and partially because I'm an awesome sub. Really, I am.
No, yesterday was a rough day because I was bored out of my mind. The kind of bored that seeps into your pores and leaves you wishing for something, anything to do. Scrubing the grout in my kitchen tile? Sure. Matching mis-matched socks? Alrighty. Watching Dora with Austin for the 27 millonth time? A pleasure.
So I had a lot of time on my hands after I finished my amazing book and surfed as much of the internets as the Pasco School District will allow. Most the sites I frequent are blocked, not because I'm pervy but because high school kids are and will make something out of nothing. Luckily, Google Reader is not one of those sites and I jumped from blog to blog to blog. Some were about home renovating and DIY projects which were fascinating. Some were about cooking and recipe sharing. But most were about moms. Moms and babies. Moms and their spouses. Moms doing what moms do; loving their lives, fighting for what's right, trying to mold their children into the kind of people we need. Moms being moms.
And I started to think about why so many women turn to their blog throughout the day to write. Write about what matters, write about what's happening, write about what they fear/love/cherish/made/know etc. Because even though the stories are different, we all turn to this forum for the very same reason.
To. Be. Heard.
I think, for the stay-at-home-mom in particular, the need to be heard is tremendous. A big old need that reads like a neon sign above our heads, flashing for all to seee that says "Notice me! Pay Attention to Me! Validate Me!" Because so much of what we do, we do behind closed doors. Not behind those closed doors, but within the walls of our homes, where very few see the work we do. And while the job is as rewarding as all get out, it can be lonely. It can be isolating. It can feel like no one sees what we accomplish, the love we have for our wifehood/motherhood/sisterhood. The small things that we do all day everyday often go unnoticed but they are the very things that will raise a generation of good people who will carry forth the work of the world. That's what we're doing. In our own small ways, behind closed doors, where no one reallys sees, we are changing the landscape of the world to come.
And so we turn to the blogosphere to be heard, to record our journey so that we know what we are doing is right. Important. Necessary. Valid. We yearn for comments and a spike in the sitemeter because it tells us someone is reading. Someone, somewhere, is taking the time to read what we think. Someone is silently saying "I hear you. I understand what you're going through. I know what you're doing and why you do it."
And that thing right there? That knowledge that what we write is being read keeps us all coming back. We will show up here during naptime and in between carpools and often with a sleeping babe across our laps to write it all out in hopes of it being read and the imagined high five that comes our way saying "You're doing it! You're doing it right and doing it well!"
So I will keep on reading. I will take the time to cheer you on and hear everything you have to say. Because I know the power that we moms have, not just for our children and families but for each other. I will read and high five and comment because I understand why you need it.
I need it too.

21 comments:

Shayla said...

Isn't that the truth?! That's how I feel. It's amazing to me how long I can go between posts and then when I do finally post and the comments start pouring in...or trickling in...how much it means to me. You'd think I'd do it more often. :) I hope you're right about the high school thing, cause it still freaks me out. A lot. These kiddos of mine need to stay kiddos.

Sarah said...

Blogging is free therapy for me. I get it all out and feel like a weight has been lifted off. And nothing's better than when someone leaves a comment saying they've been there and know how you feel or something to that extent. Plus, it's pretty awesome to be able to read back through old blog posts and have all of the important (and just the every day things) recorded. Love it!

Marilyn said...

Karen, for many months now I have skipped on commenting on the many blogs I read. Lately, I've been feeling guilty about it. It feels kind of like stalking instead of friends supporting one another.

I'm going to try to do better. Thanks for the lecture :)

Marilyn said...

P.S. I mostly skipped commenting because of my iPhone. That's my excuse. It's a pain in the butt to comment on a phone :)

Betsy said...

I finally did it, I am a follower. I found your blog from somebody else's blog a long time ago and I love reading it. So I might as well follow it. I totally agree with your post.

PROUD MOMMY said...

There, I've done it. Officially de-lurking myself. Have been reading you for the past year (hopped on over from Sarah's blog). I think you're great. I've had a post wandering around in my mind for about a week now about stay-at-homers...I think you've just inspired me to write it down (if I could just find a couple extra minutes around here somewhere).

PRP said...

Betsy! Send me a link so I can visit your blog, please! Thanks for stopping by, and letting me know!

GS said...

Amen! And it never goes away. My 89 year old mother still wants to go out every day because she wants to see people and be seen. She wants to smile and have people smile back. She throws comments to the "regulars" and they respond. Everyone wants to be acknowledged and validated.

The Lassen Family said...

Thanks for this! Perfectly captured. I am Nicole Zornes sister and met you once. I do really enjoy reading your blog. It does help to see others going through the same things sometimes. Maybe I should update my blog with something meaningful.....Thanks Dani

TOTALLY kidding!!! said...

How many toilets could you have cleaned in the time it took you to write this blog? Just sayin'.

tharker said...

I love it, Karen!

I haven't posted regularly since I had Eva. Mostly because I wonder if anyone cares anymore. I wonder if anyone cares about the seemingly mundane things that make up my day. But those seemingly mundane things are all that I want to do and they're things that for years, I've dreamed of being able to do again.

Thanks for the reminder that we all just need to feel heard. I hear you, my friend!

Mimi said...

i completely agree. it feels nice to have been heard, or to get a little perspective, or to know that someone else gets it. well said Karen, like usual :)

hatch said...

I think you are so right. I also agree with what Marilyn said about not commenting feeling more like stalking than friends supporting each other.
I have had a couple of people tell me, "oh I read on you blog you were...." , yet I have no idea they read it because they never comment, and honestly it makes me feel weird. When I first started blogging I found lots of blogs I enjoyed reading (yours one of them) but I felt like I should let the blogger know I was reading by commenting. Does that make sense. Not that people need to comment on every post, it is just nice to know who is reading about your life.
Well said Karen!!

Jenn said...

And that is why I read your blog. I am NOT a good writer, just can't get out what I really want to say, but so often I come to visit and you have touched on something thats been on my mind. You just say it WAY better! Love it.

Amy said...

When Jeff was at MBA school, I was doing EVERYTHING by myself because he was too busy to help with anything more than kissing the kids goodnight. Seriously, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown because it was so hard.

I told him that it was so hard being at home sometimes because no one validated what I was doing. And in times like MBA school it was so much worse.

But for him, he was constantly being told how he was doing, either through grades on his papers, or raises and reviews at work, or team evaluations. So you know what he did? He contacted everyone he could think of and asked everyone to write about me. Well, to write what they liked about me anyway. So that I could have the validation I needed. It may be the most romantic, kind thing anyone has ever done for me.

Because I was seriously losing it. I cooked, cleaned, shopped, paid the bills, mowed the lawn, took care of home repair, did homework with the kids, put them to bed, EVERYTHING. And I just needed to know that in the grand scheme of things I mattered.

Seems like this post resonated with a lot of us. Thanks.

Lisa said...

I know you know I read your blog, but I don't comment too often.

Know that I think you are amazing. You have a way of saying (and writing) things that are so honest and so hilarious at the same time. You seem to know exactly who you and I love that.

::lindsay said...

love this post. I completely agree. I too, need to be better about commenting on peoples blogs because I read them. Thx for the reminder.

superbrad9 said...

I agree with totally kidding

Michele said...

I'm with B-rad.

Brooklet said...

Oh, I am guilty of not always commenting, but I do read your blog- each and every post. I agree about the importance of being heard and the power that commentors have. Thanks for the reminder!

LindaR said...

You are such a good writer!