11

Dear Spencer,

In the very early morning hours of this beautiful day, you turned 11-years-old. It's almost shocking to me, that my first born is on the verge of being all grown up, but when I really think about it, it's not so different. You were born with a very old soul, one that was wiser and kinder and more mature than I had ever seen and so while the years tick by, I feel like the you that stands before me today has always been here.

I remember the day of your birth remarkably well. I remember how nervous I was that I would somehow mess you up or that I would do something wrong. I remember how anxious I was whenever the room grew louder and I couldn't hear your strong heartbeat telling me that you were there. Right there, in the deepest part of me just waiting for the perfect time to come. I remember the sights and sounds and smells of the room where you came to us. The love of those around us. The anticipation of who you would be and what you would do to all of us.

And with all that I expected, I had no idea how tremendous you would be.

Your kindness overwhelms me. Your sense of doing what's right because it's the only option for you is astonishing. I marvel at how many times in a day I call to you for help, with Austin, with the girls, with the jobs and tasks we must do to take care of our home. You have never, never balked at what I've asked you to do and you do each thing with the attitude of a boy who is happy. Happy to help, happy to know that you're making my life easier, happy to be where you are right at that moment. I'm sure you must tire of me saying again and again how good you are, but I hope in hearing it enough you will know that you are special. You are divine in purpose and were born to be the eldest in our family, to show the others, and dad and me, a better way to be.

I sat in your classroom yesterday morning and listened to a poem you had written for me. I tried not to cry for the way you crafted your words, but you knew. You knew how to speak to me and what would mean the most.

My Mom
By Spencer

My mom is a superhero because she is always battling my problems.
My mom is like a flower because she is always beautiful.
My mom is like the ocean because she moves with strength, and with patience.
My mom is patient because us kids make a lot of noise.
My mom is like an eagle because she is always watching out for me.
My mom is the best mom in the world.

And you were right.

In the fall you'll start junior high and for awhile now, I've been unsure about that. Unsure about the things you'll hear in the hallway and the things you'll see. Unsure of the friends you'll surround yourself with. Unsure of the choices you'll make with all the added responsibilities that are coming your way. But as we walked the halls of your new school the other night, and I watched you interact with your friends and peers, my fears went away. I know that you'll be ok. I know that you'll continue to do what is right and make the best possible choices for yourself. I know that who you are now will serve you well and the comfort I find in that is overwhelming.

You amaze me Spence. You always have and most certainly always will and so while it's hard for me to admit that you're another your older, and that you are inching your way to being taller than me, I am so excited for the next chapter of your life. You have brought your dad and I nothing but joy and I completely love the young man that you are. Keep your eyes straight ahead and go after every single thing that you want. You can move mountains, Spence. And I'll be right here cheering you on.



Love,
Mama