Thursday, May 05, 2011

A Peak At My Heritage

I prettied up my blog a bit today.

What do you think?

I think I did it because I've had so many thoughts running around in this little brain of mine and have been unsure how to get them all out, cohesively. Clearly. In a way that makes sense.

So instead of doing the writing that I truly love doing, I dabbled with colors and layouts and fonts.

But it was fun. And I think she's pretty.

A few things:

My grandmother died. My 89-year-old, sharp as a tack, witty as all get out, little tiny grandmother died. We called her Granny. Nova Scotia Granny to be exact and so on Tuesday, I will be flying there with my mother to say goodbye. She lived in Canada her whole life, which made her very Canadian. If you know Canadians, then you know what I mean. She was incredibly bright, reading the paper cover to cover everyday. She knew more about what was happening in the U.S. than most Americans and always tickled me with her perspectives. She was different than so many of her generation in that she was amazingly open-minded. She knew what she knew, thought what she thought, and did it all without apology. She spoke freely, never mincing words or wasting time, and I would frequently be surprised at how often her observations would be spot on. I loved that about her. I've been asked to speak at her funeral. Asked by my mother, to speak of her mother, and because I will do anything for my mom, as she does for me, I will gladly do it. I've been thinking of all the things I want to say and how best to say them. How do you sum up 89 years in a few minutes? I think I've just about got it all down and am honored to do so. But I will kindly take all of your best wishes next week for what is surely going to a whole lot sad and a whole lot more celebration.

I think the hardest part for me is that The Rizz won't be with me. He is staying home to tend to our lovies and I will miss him fiercely. Having him near calms me. Being able to hear his voice or lock eyes with him does wonders for me and I will miss him next week.

But we have lovies to tend.

And they are what I've been thinking of. Those four gorgeous faces that love me regardless all day, every day. My patience has been thinner than usual of late which spins me into an unnecessary cycle of I'm-a-bad-mom-but-I'm-trying-and-they-know-I-love them-right? Some days are harder than ever and I've found myself thinking a lot about the gravity of this time in my life. This shot I have to be the best mom I can and to not mess them up. To help them be whoever they are supposed to be and love and support them every step of the way. That's what I want, more than anything. But am I doing it?

I hope so.

So my brain has been rattled. My thoughts are all jumbled up and it's why I've been away from this little blog much more than I would like. I am certainly not a trained a writer but I love it so and find that it helps me in ways that only it could. I'm hoping this pretty little space will keep calling me back. That I will find time (read: take time) to come here often and write out my life.

Because, just like my grandmother, I have much to say.


Kelly said...

Beautifully written Karen. I have no doubt at all that what you say at Nova Scotia's service will be beautifully spoken as well. Love you!

tharker said...

I love the new look, and think you did a beautiful job!

When you were describing your grandmother, I couldn't help but think that she must have passed some of her best qualities on to you. Because your description of her sounds just like the girl I know and love. You'll do a great job next week and I know she would be proud of the woman, wife, mother and friend that you are.

Amy said...

I have to agree with the above comment. You wil do her memory proud and what a compliment from your mother to ask you to speak.

I am sorry for your loss, though. I cried and cried when my grandma died. We lived in Rhode island and there was not room on any credit card to fly me out for her funeral. I was heartbroken. So i'm glad you get to say a final goodbye.

Mimi said...

I love that your grandma "knew what she knew and thought what she thought and did it all without apology". I think we can learn a lot from people who stand by their convictions. And you know I love a woman with an open mind! Must be why I like you so much:)

I love a little gray and yellow too! Your new look is fantastic and fresh!

Cathy said...

First, beautiful new look. I love it, and I think it really reflects YOU! Second, my mother is a Canadian and we trekked to Alberta (from California) every summer of my childhood. When my Grandma died at 94 all of her children gathered to the old family homestead in the dead of winter to celebrate her life. It is one of my most cherished memories. You will do a wonderful job, and I hope it turns out to be a beautiful time for you and your family.

Jan said...

It is in you..

stylist to the stars said...

love the blog :)