When I was growing up, I often found myself following my mother around the house and she got ready for a dinner party. She was the Queen of the Dinner Party, always hosting one big event after another, filling our house with good friends, amazing food and stories that I would hide out trying to hear. And I remember her whole process; pouring over her cookbooks to figure out her menu; making lists of what she needed to by and from where; the Deep Clean Of The House; her rearranging furniture, borrowing chairs and finally putting out a spread that would keep the neighbors talking for weeks.
I loved it. And I seemed to have inherited her love of opening her home and feeding the masses.
When I was about ten, I remember her getting out the "good dishes" for her latest Christmas open house. Our good friend and neighbor Marge (who is the mother of this girl) was there helping and as I watched them work, I saw something that made my eyes BULGE out of my head. As my mom took each Crystal goblet down from the shelf, she quickly wiped it clean, with, ahem, her boob.
I know, I know! You're probably thinking horrific things but when I turned to look at Marge, mouth gaping open, I watched her do the same thing.
Dumbstruck much?
I know I protested and gawked and told them how grody they were (remember grody? what a great word) but they looked at me and laughed, telling me to stop being such a prude and use what you've got.
If you've ever had the pleasure of meeting my mother, you will know that the Lord gave generously to her, in her lady parts. As He did me. And Marge. And while I was mortified at the time, I seemed to have remembered the experience perfectly.
Fast forward some 25 years, and here I am, wiping things left and right with my chest. Have you ever noticed that a glass can be succinctly wiped down with one swift twist? It can. I know. From experience.
Just today as I was putting a picture in a new frame, I found myself swipe swiping across the front of me. I chuckled as I realized what I was doing and looked up to see the horrified faces of my own daughters.
Your turn will come, sweet girls. Your turn will come.
Of note: My mother is currently in Calgary visiting family and will probably never see this post so let's just keep this between us, ok?
12 comments:
hahahhahahaha!
I can honestly say I've never had that experience and there's a pretty good chance my girls won't either. The closest thing to that for me would be when I'm pregnant and my belly touches everything.
It's nice to know that all my dishes get some extra lovin' from Karen!
So funny.
I've not been endowed as generously as others, BUT, I do the same thing. When I'm unloading the dishwasher, there is often little droplets of water here and there. To put the dishes away without being completely dry would drive me mad, so a little drying from the bosoms is the quickest, easiest way to get the job done.
I had actually never even thought about it, but knew exactly what you were talking about :)
You are hilarious.
And I'm with Lindsay. Never had the 'opportunity' to use my chest for much of anything...since I wasn't blesed with much of anything!
Knowing your mother, I didn't think it was possible for me to adore her any more than I already do. But look at that...you just made me love her that much more!
I think I do this without thinking about it. But I'm not sure. Is it so second nature to use the "girls" that I don't even realize it? You have given me a good laugh, and something to think about today.
I'm still laughing as I write this comment! I must have been in the kitchen with you that day, 'cause I can still see your mom standing next to the cupboard drying away! Hilarious! I've done it too... and always think of your mom. So funny Karen.
Yes, your mom threw amazing dinner parties and I can still taste the Flintstone bread-- my favorite!
i'm dying over here. too funny, can't say i've ever done it, but maybe i'll have to give it a try!
I hope you're just talking about cleaning the outside of the glasses. I may be scarred for life by the imagery otherwise.
Yeah, Connor, the OUTSIDE of the glass...totally.
ba-ha-ha-ha! that is awesome!
Lindsay- even little ta ta's come in handy. More than once I have realized a titch too late that I have just wiped my phone screen in PUBLIC.
um those are the best for getting those nasty little fingerprints off of DVD's! we call it the "boob rub" over here! HA
Yes, I still do it on occasion but mostly, I use the shelf as a resting place for the remote.
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