Okay, here' s the story....
We're just about done opening gifts Christmas morning when Brad hands one last present to me. It's pretty big but very light, and as I had already gotten some great gifts from him, I wasn't really expecting anything else.
Everyone watched as I unwrapped the big box, only to find another smaller wrapped box inside. This went on for several packages until the last box contained a square red jewlery box. Completely surprised because Brad has never bought me jewlery other than my wedding ring, I slowly lifted the lid expecting to find a nice necklace or pair of earrings.
I could not have been more wrong.
Inside the jewlery box was a key chain and key. The key chain read as follows:
Brad & Karen Johnson
5116 Monrovia Lane
It took me all of two seconds to realize that Brad, the best husband on the planet, had bought us a house we have been looking at for the past five months!!!!!!!!!!
(Ok, I'm seriously shaking just typing all of this out. It was the most amazing moment!)
Here's the rest of the story. Several months ago we stumbled upon a house that we both decided was perfect for us. It had all the rooms we wanted in all the right places and we both fell completely in love with it. The only problem was knowing whether or not it was the right thing for us to do. We thought about it from every angle, prayed relentlessly about what to do and finally decided that we both felt great about the move. We had met with the realtor and picked out all of the features we wanted and I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. Then one day Brad says "I think we should wait." I was devastated. I had felt so good about everything and really felt like it would be a great move for our family and suddenly Brad was putting the brakes on. We talked about it and he continued to tell me that he felt as though we should wait. I agreed to see it from his perspective even though I didn't really understand it and we decided we'd look again in the new year.
Well Brad, genius that he is, continued to go ahead with the purchase of the house all as a surprise for me on Christmas. He negotiated every feature I wanted, submitted all the paperwork and gave me the most incredible Christmas of my life. It was amazing.
Ok Kim, happy? There's the story.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
Now In Paperback: "How To Insult Your Neighbors And Feel Like An Idiot In One Easy Step"
As I'm going throughout my day on Saturday, I hear a knock at the door and go to investigate. Brad had already opened the door to find a very nice neighbor standing there with a plate of holiday treats for our family. I was completely surprised to see this person on my doorstep bearing Christmas goodies as we are more of the wave-when-we-see-each-other-types than sit-down-and-chat types. To overcompensate for my shock, I eagerly express my gratitude for this nice gesture.
"Thank you so much for thinking of us, Andrea!"
The person stops, turns slowly back to me and says "that's not my name, but you're welcome."
OHMYGOSH. OHMYFREAKINGGOSHDIDTHATREALLYJUSTHAPPEN?
Brad closes the door and gives me a look that reiterates that I am in fact the dumbest person on the planet. "Don't you know her name?" he asks, laughing heartily at my misstep. "Of course I do!" I protest. "I was just so surprised, and um, I'm stupid, and well, you know, do you think...I mean...should I....?" Panic city sets in.
It was one of the instances when the more you think about it the worse it becomes and I literally began to feel like I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. IT WAS AWFUL.
After a few minutes I began to calm down and not feel quite so schmucky. I mean, who hasn't had a similar situation? Everyone makes mistakes and most people have a little chuckle and then move on with their lives. This person, however, is not that person. She is a grudge-holder. An unforgiver. A reply-in-a-way-that-makes-you-feel-dumber-than-you-thought-possible type.
I wasn't even going to write about this because I'm so mortified but I've had a few people call and laugh directly at me so I figured what the heck. Might as well claim this horrible situation as my own and stand tall. And since Christmas is officially one week away, who couldn't use a hearty laugh at my expense? As always, glad to help.
"Thank you so much for thinking of us, Andrea!"
The person stops, turns slowly back to me and says "that's not my name, but you're welcome."
OHMYGOSH. OHMYFREAKINGGOSHDIDTHATREALLYJUSTHAPPEN?
Brad closes the door and gives me a look that reiterates that I am in fact the dumbest person on the planet. "Don't you know her name?" he asks, laughing heartily at my misstep. "Of course I do!" I protest. "I was just so surprised, and um, I'm stupid, and well, you know, do you think...I mean...should I....?" Panic city sets in.
It was one of the instances when the more you think about it the worse it becomes and I literally began to feel like I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. IT WAS AWFUL.
After a few minutes I began to calm down and not feel quite so schmucky. I mean, who hasn't had a similar situation? Everyone makes mistakes and most people have a little chuckle and then move on with their lives. This person, however, is not that person. She is a grudge-holder. An unforgiver. A reply-in-a-way-that-makes-you-feel-dumber-than-you-thought-possible type.
I wasn't even going to write about this because I'm so mortified but I've had a few people call and laugh directly at me so I figured what the heck. Might as well claim this horrible situation as my own and stand tall. And since Christmas is officially one week away, who couldn't use a hearty laugh at my expense? As always, glad to help.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Ebeneezer Scrooge Died Today
I am all about fun. Really, I am. Fun and love and happiness and joy. That's me. Fun, fun, fun. As I've read through some of my last few posts, however I've noted that they all seem to have a sort of negative vibe, a vibe which completley goes against my let-the-good-times-roll ways. Maybe I'm not fun. This is disturbing.
Since I've made the non-fun discovery, I've been racking my brain trying to come up with some sweet holiday antidotes to put fun back at the top of my list and to remind you all that I am, indeed, a party. I got NOTHING.
So here's what I've decided to do. I'll relay a few quick experiences from recent days and turn them into fun no matter what it takes. Here goes:
Since I've made the non-fun discovery, I've been racking my brain trying to come up with some sweet holiday antidotes to put fun back at the top of my list and to remind you all that I am, indeed, a party. I got NOTHING.
So here's what I've decided to do. I'll relay a few quick experiences from recent days and turn them into fun no matter what it takes. Here goes:
- While finishing my Christmas cards, I was fortunate enough to make three separate trips to Kinko's! It was great! I loved being in the car with four sweet children, waiting paitently in the construction zone and keeping track of said children in a store while a really nice new employee to Kinko's tried to help me. I am so thankful for the opportunity to hold onto my sanity as I got my cards completed. What a neat lesson for me!
- In order to mail my Christmas cards, I was lucky enough to need to go to the store for postage. I am so happy that there is a post office inside Yokes to help me! I was hoping that they had a postage meter to quickly run all 47 cards through but they didn't, so I was all too happy to stand while corraling three kids and holding onto another and put stamps one-by-one on each card. And I'm really grateful for the post office lady who stood by and watched me while telling me about her son's school project. Such a nice story!
- Finally, I am so grateful for the lovely wind storm that is whipping through the Treasure Valley. I love having my hair tornadoed around my head! Such a crisp and fun feeling! And I'm really happy about the wind ripping the Christmas lights off half of my house! My son, once he gets over his tears, will be thankful to learn a lesson about the power of Mother Nature!
That's all I've got for now! I love Christmas! And cards! And Kinko's! And wind! And I'm all about farging FUN!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes...And Hannah
Last night as I was taking a bath, Hannah came wandering into the bathroom. I figured she was going to ask to hop in as she usually does but instead she asked something else.
"Mama, can I wash your back?"
Knowing that this is one of her favorite things, to think that she is being helpful to me, I took note that the bubbles were still strategically placed and slowly leaned forward.
"Wow Mama, you sure have a fat bum!"
I turned my head to her slowly hoping that I wouldn't burst out laughing or burst into tears.
"Hannah" I said very seriously "it's not nice to say that to someone. You could really hurt their feelings with those words. We only want to say nice things to people so that they feel good."
Hannah takes a moment to let this register.
"I'm not being mean Mama. I'm just telling you that your bum is really fat. Can you see it back there?"
The internal battle of laughter vs. tears rages on.
"And we always tell Uncle Matty that he's fat and he just laughs when we say it."
2 points Hannah, 0 Mama.
"You're right, sweetie. But it's still not nice to say things like that and we should never say that to Uncle Matty again. What if we made him feel sad?"
"But if you don't want to feel sad Mama then you shouldn't be fat."
CRAP!!! 4 points Hannah, 0 Mama. She is teetering between the rudest kid on the planet and true enlightenment but I'm not sure which.
"The point is, Hannah, that everyone may look different on the outside but we're all the same on the inside and that's all that matters."
We go round and round a few more times as I try to explain to Hannah the difference between being truthful and being too truthful. It's a hard concept for an adult, let alone a four-year-old. After several minutes of questions and answers she seems to get my point.
"Okay Mama, I won't say that again, even if your bum really is fat."
"Thanks Hannah."
I leaned over the tub and gave her a hug. As I settled back into the water Hannah exlaimed "Wow Mama! Your boobies are even fatter than your bum!"
Final score-Hannah: 1 million gagillion points, Mama: big FAT nothing.
"Mama, can I wash your back?"
Knowing that this is one of her favorite things, to think that she is being helpful to me, I took note that the bubbles were still strategically placed and slowly leaned forward.
"Wow Mama, you sure have a fat bum!"
I turned my head to her slowly hoping that I wouldn't burst out laughing or burst into tears.
"Hannah" I said very seriously "it's not nice to say that to someone. You could really hurt their feelings with those words. We only want to say nice things to people so that they feel good."
Hannah takes a moment to let this register.
"I'm not being mean Mama. I'm just telling you that your bum is really fat. Can you see it back there?"
The internal battle of laughter vs. tears rages on.
"And we always tell Uncle Matty that he's fat and he just laughs when we say it."
2 points Hannah, 0 Mama.
"You're right, sweetie. But it's still not nice to say things like that and we should never say that to Uncle Matty again. What if we made him feel sad?"
"But if you don't want to feel sad Mama then you shouldn't be fat."
CRAP!!! 4 points Hannah, 0 Mama. She is teetering between the rudest kid on the planet and true enlightenment but I'm not sure which.
"The point is, Hannah, that everyone may look different on the outside but we're all the same on the inside and that's all that matters."
We go round and round a few more times as I try to explain to Hannah the difference between being truthful and being too truthful. It's a hard concept for an adult, let alone a four-year-old. After several minutes of questions and answers she seems to get my point.
"Okay Mama, I won't say that again, even if your bum really is fat."
"Thanks Hannah."
I leaned over the tub and gave her a hug. As I settled back into the water Hannah exlaimed "Wow Mama! Your boobies are even fatter than your bum!"
Final score-Hannah: 1 million gagillion points, Mama: big FAT nothing.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Spreading Christmas Cheer Like Only I Can
I wanted to report on the fabulous way we decided to spend the money that Brad won on Friday. We thought long and hard about it and this is what we came up with-how 'bout we head to the local doc-in-the-box and give it directly to them? $90 in copays to reveal three children with bronchitis and one with the added bonus of an ear infection and then another $94 on prescriptions to cure such sickly children. SERIOUSLY.
As if that weren't enough, when I got back home after three hours at the doctor I was carrying Sienna up the stairs and I fell, UP THE STAIRS, and broke my finger. At least I think it's broken. I don't know for sure since I refuse to go back to the doctor and hock over what's left of my Christmas money. Oh, and which finger? you may be asking yourself. The MIDDLE finger on my right hand so it looks like I'm flipping everyone off around the clock. Not exactly how I wanted to spread my holiday cheer. I think I would laugh more at the whole situation if it didn't hurt so stinkin' bad. I bought myself a splint, read up on how to treat the stupid thing on brokenfinger.com and am popping the Aleve. Better than another copay.
And here's the real clincher. If I was a highly evolved, enlightened person, I would know to be grateful for the money Brad starved for and realize that without it, we really would be hosed for Christmas. But I'm not. I'm bitter and annoyed and ticked. Look's like I'll be the one with coal in my stocking.
As if that weren't enough, when I got back home after three hours at the doctor I was carrying Sienna up the stairs and I fell, UP THE STAIRS, and broke my finger. At least I think it's broken. I don't know for sure since I refuse to go back to the doctor and hock over what's left of my Christmas money. Oh, and which finger? you may be asking yourself. The MIDDLE finger on my right hand so it looks like I'm flipping everyone off around the clock. Not exactly how I wanted to spread my holiday cheer. I think I would laugh more at the whole situation if it didn't hurt so stinkin' bad. I bought myself a splint, read up on how to treat the stupid thing on brokenfinger.com and am popping the Aleve. Better than another copay.
And here's the real clincher. If I was a highly evolved, enlightened person, I would know to be grateful for the money Brad starved for and realize that without it, we really would be hosed for Christmas. But I'm not. I'm bitter and annoyed and ticked. Look's like I'll be the one with coal in my stocking.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Is It A Bird? A Plane? No, It's Brad, Bulimic Man
Disclaimer: I am well aware that the following story is a heinous act to one's body but it was necessary to insure victory and provide the Johnson's with a little cash-ola in which to spend on Christmas.
The results are in and my husband officially won the Biggest Loser contest at PHS. How much did he lose? A whopping 25 stinkin pounds in one month's time. I KNOW. How did he do it? By working out twice a day, usually burning around 1200 calories and eating around 800 calories a day. For the last two days before the weigh-in, he drank nothing but protein mix and water. The good news is that he looks and feels fantastic and has great plans for the money. The bad news is that we're waiting for his liver to shut down at any time. But as he said Thursday night while literally starving "nothing tastes as good as thin feels Karen." Spoken like a true anorexic.
In other news, all three of my children have the cough of the devil and I'm just waiting for one of them to chuck out a lung. Hannah slept with me again last night so as not to bother Sienna and she woke up puking from all the gunk in her chest. Off to the Kania Clinic we go this morning. I'm so looking forward to another day of quarrantine with my children, especially Sienna who in bitter refusal continues still NOT TO TALK and has taken to following me around mimicking a howler monkey. I wonder how much it costs to get your eardrums removed? Spencer and Hannah seem to have mastered tuning her out but I am unable to get away from the her noise. Maybe it's because she permanently attaches herself to my leg from sun up to sun down. She sure is going to be disappointed when she finds nothing but coal in her stocking.
The results are in and my husband officially won the Biggest Loser contest at PHS. How much did he lose? A whopping 25 stinkin pounds in one month's time. I KNOW. How did he do it? By working out twice a day, usually burning around 1200 calories and eating around 800 calories a day. For the last two days before the weigh-in, he drank nothing but protein mix and water. The good news is that he looks and feels fantastic and has great plans for the money. The bad news is that we're waiting for his liver to shut down at any time. But as he said Thursday night while literally starving "nothing tastes as good as thin feels Karen." Spoken like a true anorexic.
In other news, all three of my children have the cough of the devil and I'm just waiting for one of them to chuck out a lung. Hannah slept with me again last night so as not to bother Sienna and she woke up puking from all the gunk in her chest. Off to the Kania Clinic we go this morning. I'm so looking forward to another day of quarrantine with my children, especially Sienna who in bitter refusal continues still NOT TO TALK and has taken to following me around mimicking a howler monkey. I wonder how much it costs to get your eardrums removed? Spencer and Hannah seem to have mastered tuning her out but I am unable to get away from the her noise. Maybe it's because she permanently attaches herself to my leg from sun up to sun down. She sure is going to be disappointed when she finds nothing but coal in her stocking.
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