Okay! I Give In!

4 PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER:

-The school
-Target
-TJ Maxx
-The Bathroom

4 PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME:
-Christy
-Erica
-Michele
-My mom (before she got mysteriously blocked from my email)

4 OF MY FAVORITE FOODS:
-Pasta (anyone want to make some for me??)
-Dan Dan Noodles from PF Changs
-Cake
-Salad

4 PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
-Resting postpartum at the hospital
-Someplace tropical on a beach
-At a spa
-Someplace fab for a girl's weekend

4 MOVIES I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:
-Dirty Dancing
-The Notebook
-Strictly Ballroom
-Mr. & Mrs. Smith

4 PEOPLE I THINK WILL RESPOND (this means I'm tagging you!)
-Kelly
-Marilyn
-Danyelle
-Annette

Birthday Wishes

Dear Spence,

Can it really be your birthday already? It seems like only yesterday that we were driving home from the hospital, Dad going slower than slow, and me sitting in the backseat with you marveling at how my world how changed. Know this, my sweet boy, you have been a blessing from day one.

You are quite an amazing kid here at the age of 8. You're favorite things to do right now are play baseball, watch baseball, and play baseball. You also love to jump on the tramp, ride your bike, write stories and read. I have a whole stack of stories saved that you've written and I can't wait to share them with you when you're older.



I love seeing you do things that you love doing-the pure joy on your face brings tears to my eyes. Baseball is your passion right now and you love to play it and watch your favorite team, the Mariners. You also love to collect baseball cards and have them all organized neatly in books. You keep your clean room and everything has it's place. I love that about you. The only thing you struggle with is where your socks end up but we're working on that one!

You also love school and you adore your teacher. She has been so good for you and you have blossomed under her wing. Your ear for Spanish is incredible and it still amazes me that my little guy is completely fluent! You have a definite talent in learning languages and your teacher thinks you could master several in your lifetime. I hope this to be true for you.

Despite being a picky eater, you are growing like a weed! We can't keep up with your constant need of longer pants and bigger shoes, and your little body cracks us up because you are soooooo loooonnnng and sooooooo leeeaaaannnn. Your legs seem like they could snap in two, they are that skinny, but they serve you well as you run and play. You love to be outdoors and are always working on some sport, whether it be catching for baseball or hitting in tennis. It's so fun to watch you meet your goals.

You and Dad have the best relationship. You absolutely worship him and the two of you almost have your own language (and I'm not just talking about the Spanish!) You can't wait for him to get home each day and you play together like best friends should. I hope that you always stay as close to him as you are now. He is a wonderful man who has so much to teach you, and if you stay by his side, you will be a most remarkable adult.

For the first time in your life, you and your sisters have recently started to butt heads, and it's almost been reassuring to me because I've often thought "no one can be that good." While it's hard for me to see you argue with them, I know that you love them fiercely and would do anything for them. Your concern for them when they get hurt or are sad is so touching and I hope you can always admire the strong women that they will become. Close relationships with your siblings will last you a lifetime. Just look at the bond Daddy has with Uncle Matt or me with Uncle Scot. Even though they can be annoying at times now, they will be with you forever and I hope you always count that as a blessing.



And what to say about your soon-to-be Baby Brother? You are so excited for this new man to come into our lives and I love the sweet things you say to me about him already. You will be a wonderful role model for him and I'm so excited to see you two together.

With all that you can do, Spence, my favorite thing about you is your gigantic heart. You are kind, you are sweet, you are loving and sincere, and this has made being your mother the experience of my lifetime. I am so proud of who you are and what you have to offer this world. I can't believe the child you are at eight. I can only imagine what the future holds for you.



All my love,
Mama

A Healthy Dose of Humble Pie

I find myself truly humbled tonight at the goodness of people, and what's funny about that is that I thought I already knew how good people could be. But I. was. wrong. Today's sampling of the pure kindness of those I know has left me feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. (I also knew I'd get back to being grateful!)

I had a few errands to run this morning (read: returning maternity shirt that DID NOT fit) and when I returned home, there was a message on my machine from the amazing Catherine (who I'd link but she's private.) Anyhoo, the message said that she'd been thinking of me and wanted to bring me dinner tonight. And like all good over-achievers, my instinct was to immediately call her and tell her that while I appreciated her offer, I was fine. But when I made the call, I found myself saying "why yes, that would be lovely." And she said that she appreciated that I didn't put up a fight because she was going to do it anyway and this made the whole thing so much nicer.

After our call, I headed to a friend's house who made the most yummy lunch of all time, and when I returned home again, I had another message, this time from Rochelle. (See previous post.) And her message was all clever and sneaky and said "Hey Karen, I'm stopping by your house around 4:45 and wanted to make sure you'd be home. Thanks!"

Now, I may not be the smartest tool in the shed but even I understood that one.

I immediately called Rochelle back and told her that it felt completely insane to be receiving service from her and she basically said "well, too bad." So I told her that I completely appreciated her efforts but that I was already being spoiled by Catherine for the evening. And she said, "well, now you have dinner for tomorrow." And she hung up.

Here's the thing: I think I'm pretty decent at lending a helping hand. No, scratch that. I'm pretty decent at offering to lend a helping hand. But how often do I just show up, good deed already done, to lighten the load of somebody else? Both of these women have tremendously busy lives and have recently faced trials that I can't even comprehend. But at the end of the day, they realized that they could help me and so they did it. End of story. It was such a powerful lesson to me. I know that I have offered help to both of them before, but have I actually done anything to really help them? And while an offer of help is wonderful, actual help is so much more, well, helpful.

This isn't said to make everyone who has offered me help over the past few weeks feel silly. I am among the luckiest in that I know I can call on a huge support system if and when I need it. But this was so powerful to me and I'm so thankful for the lesson.

In the words of Hannah, once this baby has "been borned," my goal is to seek out ways to help others and to just do it. No asking, no offering, just find a need and fill it. Their generosity touched me deeply and I can't wait to give that to others.

Rochelle and Catherine, my cup runneth over.
I cannot thank you enough.

(And I'll be calling you both for some recipes. My children were in Heaven!)

I Mean, She HAS Been Off Chemo For Four Weeks Now...

Today has been a good day.

I was able to fulfill carpool duty thanks to the good people at Lithia Dodge who were able to fix my van quickly.

I ran my errands and got everything I needed for Spencer's impending birthday party.

I joined Hannah on her preschool field trip to the local grocery store.

And here's where it gets funny:

The CANCER PATIENT informed me that I shouldn't be there and that I needed to be home resting. That I wasn't doing my body any good by being up and running around. That I needed to rest as much as possible so that I could continue on. Oh, and what could she help me with?

Um, seriously?

It cracked me up.

So I told her that I would stop doing stuff as soon as she did.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Call Me A Liar, I'm Back To Complaining

Ok, I'll admit it.

I am completely defeated.

You win, Life, I lose.


I swear I'm trying really hard here to find joy in the little things and be ok with everything that's going on, but really? I'm worn out. I'm exhausted. I feel like I can't handle anything else, good or bad, and that the only thing that might make me feel better is if some doctor could figure out how to put a cast on my hoo-hoo. It. hurts. that. bad. And when that's what you're longing for, some plaster on your girl parts to make you feel better, you know you are one step away from the happy pills in the padded room.

Sienna has been um, DIFFICULT today as she has cried about most things. And because I feel bad for her and the trauma of yesterday, I'm running around like a crazy person trying to soothe her every whim.

Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted your drink in the purple cup instead of the green one? No problem.

You don't like your pizza and want me to make something else? Sure sweetie.

You drank an entire box of Capri Suns while I was upstairs folding laundry? No big deal.

You want to live solely on a diet of cottage cheese and granola bars? Here, have some more.

And the worst part, the part that makes me feel like a truly horrible mom, is that the TV has been on almost consistently today. I think we've watched every Dora and Backyardigans that we have DVR'd and it's only 5:30. But it's too cold to go outside and I can't really run and play even if it weren't. And I can only read "It Looks Like Spilt Milk" so many times. I don't have the energy to create or pretend or do anything else that might stimulate their brains.

To simplify, I am crap Mama today.

So tomorrow will be better. I have vented, gotten it all out and will greet tomorrow with whole-hearted enthusiasm. I will go on Hannah's field trip, attend baseball practice, and do something constructive with my children who must wonder where their mama has gone.

Another Story Where Vomit Makes An Appearance

I sat down several hours ago to write about how, although the last few days have been very trying, I am grateful for the little things that helped get me through them. For example, when I awoke yesterday morning as nauseous as could be and purging every hour or so, I thought at least this is happening today when Brad is home and not in the middle of the week. That's a pretty good spin on the positive, right? If I can find something to smile about while wiping the contents of my stomach off my shirt, I think I'm doing ok.

Even this morning, when Brad informed me that I would be van-less today because my battery was dead, I thought at least he works right across the street from Les Schwab so he can bring me a new battery this afternoon. AND, at least that battery is under warranty so it won't cost us a thing. Pretty good, right? I could rearrange carpools since today was my day to drive and I could find SOMETHING for us to eat since my fridge and pantry were completely bare. At least my attitude was good and that would see me through.

That lasted for approximately one hour.

By 9 o'clock, I had called on dear Tiffani to rescue me by driving me down to Brad's school to get his car. Besides the fact that we were in dire need of groceries, I just had this feeling that I needed to have a car this afternoon. I am grateful I followed that feeling.

After getting groceries, picking up the preschool crew, and returning home to make lunch and get settled for a nice relaxing afternoon, I sat down to write my post on perspective and gratitude. I was about a paragraph in when I heard a tremendous thud and a piercing scream coming from the sweet mouth of Sienna.

I ran to the kitchen where she had been quietly eating lunch only to find her sprawled under the kitchen table howling. You know how certain cries just let you KNOW, know that something is really wrong and your child is really hurt? That was the scream. I scooped her up and held her close as she trembled and yelled. I tried to get her to tell me where she hurt but she literally couldn't talk from all the crying so I pulled her back and then saw IT. The inch long, 1/2 inch wide and deep gash on her chin that was pouring blood. Gratitude gone.

Ok, no problem. Think fast. Hannah and Tye, get your shoes on. Sienna, hold on to this towel and try to stop the bleeding. Call Lindsay, please watch the girls, I'm off to the hospital. So much blood, so much blood, so much blood....

Here's where I found the positive again. The staff at the ER took me straight back, primarily because I was a very pregnant woman holding a very scared little girl and we were seen right away. Sienna calmed down and acted perfectly as her wound was washed and irrigated. She didn't make a noise as we slathered the cut in numbing cream and waited for it to take effect. Once everything was cleaned up and the bleeding had slowed, the doctor determined that gluing it together should work. I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful....

We were out of the hospital in an hour and I drove my grateful self to McDonald's to get Sienna some ice cream for being so brave. We were about half way home and Sienna was about 10 bites into her ice cream when THE LOOK crossed her face. She started purging with significant force all over herself and the back of Brad's car. Over and over again. I'm not grateful, I'm not grateful, I'm not grateful...

So now I am back home. The car has been cleaned up. Sienna has been bathed which was particularly tricky since I'm not supposed to get her face wet at all and she had vomit in her hair, but we managed. Hannah has cleaned her room. Spence and Michael are doing their homework. The amazing Kristen called and is bringing my family dinner. All I have left to do is go pick Brad up from school and take this gaggle of children to a baseball game in the freezing cold weather. But Sienna is ok, and so, I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful...

I wonder what the rest of the week will have in store for me.

Thanks Munna

Dear Hannah,

I've been mulling a post about you for several weeks now, primarily because there is much to say about the little girl you've been lately. You've been acting much more 15ish than 5ish and it's been alarming to Dad and I to say the least. The mood swings, the drama, the flare for the overly dramatic, it's been a bit much. To say that you are passionate about your feelings would be an understatement. You are passionate about everything all the time and it tends to leave my head spinning.

But last night? When I had finally sat down at the kitchen table, exhausted and swollen and all over yucky feeling and Sienna needed something from the fridge? And you hopped right up to get it for her without being asked and without saying a word?

That was awesome.

And I knew that my sweet little girl was still in there and that her loveliness would shine again.



Love you,
Mama

What A Difference A Day Makes!

Thanks for all your good wishes, fellow bloggers, because today I feel like a new woman! (It might have something to do with going to bed at 9 last night and getting up at 7 this morning, but whatever.)

As of 8:36 this morning, I have already made my grocery list, cleaned out the fridge, watered the plants, cleared out the pile of paperwork, and cleaned up the kitchen. Today has "production" written all over it and I'm excited to see what I can accomplish. No more pregnancy complaining for me. I am going to enjoy this ride for the next 8 weeks if it kills me.

On a side note, I have an entire girl's Pottery Barn crib set available if anyone is interested. I don't remember the name of it but it is very sweet and has a myriad of soft colors in it. Let me know if you're interested and I'll send you pictures.

Now I'm going to go find some breakfast. I had my last toasted Costco bagel yesterday morning and nothing else really sounds good so keep your fingers crossed for me.

At Least It's Not In The Bathtub

My body is rejecting the fact that Brad has returned to work after a wonderful spring break. It is putting up such a fight to the gloom and doom of lonely days without my awesome hubby that I awoke to ten chubby fingers and ten chubby toes, swollen to the max and some time spent on my knees in front of the toilet. Haven't done that for awhile and it sure was fun, especially since I can't even bend over the monster belly.

Boo hoo for me.

Luckily, Sienna is in full TV watching mode so I will curl up next to her on the couch and count the days til summer.

Is Ashton Filming This?

Do you think when the doctor advised me to "be down as much as possible," he meant abstaining from activities like yard work? Are pulling weeds and planting shrubs considered to be being up activities? Because I was totally sitting down as I worked in the yard over the last two days but I am having a wee bit of pain. You know, throbbing, aching, hurts to put any pressure on your entire leg for fear your hip and pelvis will break open into a million pieces pain? And swelling? Down there? Is that normal?

I'm just wondering.

To salvage my aching body, I set up the girls to watch a movie and the boys to play a little XBOX (Spence has a friend over for a sleepover) and drew myself a nice, hot bath. Nightly baths are part of my daily life now as they really help to ease the soreness that has crept in throughout the day and this one promised to be perfect. Perfect water temperature? Check. Bubbles aplenty thanks to the new bottle of bubble bath graciously gifted to me for my birthday? Check. Book I'm completely engrossed in? Check. Sienna vomiting into the bath water as I soaked in it? Check.

I mean, come on.

As I'm turning the page of the lovely Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Sienna walks in with THE LOOK. THE LOOK that says I'm about to vomit. With force. THE LOOK that says stop whatever you're doing and kindly catch my puke with your bare hands. THE LOOK that I see all too frequently in my life. As I try to turn her towards the toilet, she heaves forward and well, heaves forward. Into my bath. All over my monster belly which is too large to be covered by the bubbles. But whatever.

Realizing that she would never make it to the toilet, I threw my book down on the side of the tub and grabbed the nearest towel to catch her dinner in. And her lunch. And apparently her breakfast. And maybe even last night's bedtime snack. So now I am literally holding a towel full of puke while trying to heave my giganto body out of the tub without dropping said towel. Or fall on the floor since I'm soaking wet. Or faint dead away at the sight of my naked body running towards the toilet.

After cleaning up Sienna, myself, and the towel from hell, I put her in bed and calm myself with the thought that although I won't get to enjoy my book in the bath, I can still put everyone to bed and curl up for a night of reading. That is, until I head back into the bathroom to find my book floating in the bath water, drenched to the hilt, amongst the bubbles and chunks of Cheeto remains.

I'm very sad. And very sore. And very much in need of a nice, hot, bubble bath.

33 Reasons Why I'm Happy To Be Me

Today is my birthday.

I am 33 years old. (I know, I don't look a day over 32...)

I am pregnant with my fourth child.

I am married to the most perfect man. Perfect for me at least, which is how it should be.

I have three amazing children who remind me everyday why I've always wanted to be a mother.



I have a beautiful home that I am grateful to live in.

I have parents who love and adore me and go out of their way to make sure I'm taken care of.

I have a brother who makes me laugh and has become an amazing confidant over the years.

I have in-laws who have taken all my egocentric tastes and eccentricities and welcomed me as one of their own.

I have friends who spoil me rotten and treat me like gold. I am eternally grateful for each of their influences in my life. Go here or here to see what I mean.

(Erica, Christy, Me and Michele celebrate last October.)

I have finally matured enough to not care so much what other's think of me.

I spent the weekend taking care of myself for a change and it felt really nice.

I know my children love me.

I know my husband loves me.

(Brad giving me the house at Christmas.)

I know my Heavenly Father loves me.

I love that I have an education and can rely on it at any time I need.

I have the eyes of my grandparents and it makes me smile.

I can usually make people laugh which always comes in handy.

I am passionate about the things I believe in and will fight for them.

I make yummy food. (Hence, the waistline...)

I'm not afraid to be bold with color in my house (pictures of my bedroom coming later this week!)

I love to laugh and probably do so more than the average bear.

I have survived the thing I always dreaded the most as a child, my parents divorcing, and have come out stronger and closer to both of them.

I have maintained lifelong friendships and know that I will always have wonderful people in my life.

(Connor, Kelly, Me and Brad celebrating Christmas and 29 years of friendship in December)

I am insane about painted toes.

I am my husband's biggest fan.

I am my children's greatest support.

I am loud, crazy, wild and outspoken and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have a great amount of empathy and always feel the hurt of others.

I have my mother's hands.

I have a love of chocolate like no other.

I keep an orderly house.

I love people and a house full of lots of them.

I feel the love of my birthday well wishers, both near and far, and find tears in my eyes at the goodness of those around me.

Thanks everyone! And Happy Birthday to me!

Appointment To Sainthood Now In Question

My typically non-mischievous son decided to play a hilarious April Fool's joke on his mom. He had been telling me various jokes and pranks all morning, but his REAL foolhardiness didn't show itself until he was well into his school day. Where he was safe, I might add.

He put TWO CRAYONS IN MY DRYER.

With a fresh load of whites.

Isn't that hilarious?

So now all of Brad's white shirts, our socks, underwear and what nots are covered in a hodge podge of red and yellow melted crayon.

It is AWESOME.

I wonder if all that melted crayon is why my dryer is currently jacked up....

**Addendum: Spence's appointment is once again guaranteed as he said this to me this morning while I was drying my hair:

"Mom, you should really show me how to wash the dishes and load the dishwasher correctly so I could do it for you and you wouldn't have to stand on your feet so much."

LOVE. THAT. KID.

This Too Shall Pass?

Dear Bizradicus,

My dear, sweet, loving husband, where do I even begin? I know you've been working like a dog for months now, what with being the head of the department, coaching tennis, finishing your National Board program and being an all around stellar father and husband, but there are a few things I need your help with:

Um, the dryer is broken. Again.

And the painting in our room needs to be finished. The doc vetoed me doing anymore.

Uh, the baby's room and all that entails. So sorry about that.

And of course the fence. Needs to be built.

The pool and all that stuff.

Landscaping. A few shrubs here and there would be nice.

The raising of Sienna would really help me out since she and I are currently locked in a battle with no end in sight.

And I'd love a back rub. Sometime.

Other than that, I think we're good. I know you've been leaving the house every morning before seven and returning around nine, so I've scheduled some work time for you between 2 and 5 a.m. You can get by on little sleep, right?

Thanks Bug. You're the best. And I mean that completely.

Always,
Kiz-Jo

Welcome To The Best Day Ever!

Seriously. The best day ever. Right here folks.

I started off the day with the friendly ultrasound tech who weighed and measured Baby Boy J to figure out why I look like this. And while she played coy and was trying not to say anything one way or the other, I could tell by the gleam in her eye that the news was nothing but awesome for me.

Fast forward to Doctor T bursting into the exam room all smiles and hoorays when he tells me the news I've been wanting to hear but never thought I would:

"Your due date IS wrong."



"You are SIX weeks further along than we thought!"

I know! Can you believe it??? I was so incredibly excited because it now feels like I might have a chance at making it through the rest of this pregnancy. The huge belly. The searing pain. The feeling of being stretched to the max. Who can't tolerate that for another FIVE weeks??? FIVE WEEKS people! Can you see me with a baby in just five short weeks? I know. It's amazing. I thought stuff like this only happened in the movies.....






Um, yeah. It does only happen in the movies.





Happy April Fools people!



(I know, the joke is really on me, but it was still fun, right???)


Now for the real story.



I had my blood drawn for the diabetes testing and wouldn't you know? My numbers were too high so now I'm scheduled for the three hour fasting test to verify that I do have diabetes. All signs are pointing that way so I'm slowly prepping myself for it.

And, the baby is measuring a bit big, but not off the charts so they are saying I'm a week ahead, but that is all. Doc T didn't want to move my date so I am still due in June. The end of June. A mere 11 weeks away. Rock on.

Then, to deal with the immense pain I'm having from the fractured pelvis that Hannah gave me during delivery (thanks sweetie!) I have been given a prescription for a brace that will hopefully alleviate some of my discomfort. Sure that will be cute. Oh. And I was told to "be down as much as possible." That should be no problem with the THREE OTHER CHILDREN I have running around. But the pressure of being up is causing the fracture to worsen so I'm to be off my feet as much as possible. Um yeah. No sweat.

And I gained five pounds. Righty-o. Thanks Easter bunny.


Other than that, I am feeling awesome. I told you it was the best day ever.